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How handle a workplace bully: schoolyard bullies have graduated from the classroom to the boardroom
Jet, July 26, 2004 by Scotty Ballard
You remember that bully from school? He would insult you in front of others, or talk about you behind your back, try to exclude you from group activities, hide your school supplies, or plagiarize your class assignments. Well, the workplace bully, described as someone who systematically tries to impair your ability to succeed at work, is cut from the same mold.
Workplace bullying, according to www.bullyonline.org, is persistent unwelcome behavior, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nitpicking, fault-finding, also exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, monitored excessively. In the workplace, bullying usually focuses on distorted or fabricated allegations of underperformance over a long period of time.
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It differs from harassment and assault (which can result from a single incident or small number of incidents).
"I'd call [bullies in the workplace] internal terrorists," according to Dr. Bertice Berry, sociologist and author of the audio book It's Time to Change: The Art of Transformation, in Life, Love & Work. "These are people who don't understand their own purpose or potential, and because they don't, they try to destroy the purpose and potential of [someone else]. They would make things wrong to prove that they are right.
"A high school, elementary or grammar school bully is someone who is trying to beat down others before they get beat. But once they grow up, they become someone who doesn't know, or have the ability or talent to know how to shine, so they rub dirt on those that do," the former talk show host explains. "This kind of behavior should obviously be reported ... but, I think more importantly what has to be done is that you put your head down, work hard, and you work with the people who you know are working."
Workplace bullies--who can be anyone from a cashier to a CEO--sometimes cluster together for strength and added intimidation, Berry warns.
"Everybody joins groups to further their own self-interests or to become bigger. Be it a gang, Wall Street, or a church group, it's the same thing. Their 'the enemy of my enemy becomes my friend' mentality [replete with gossip and nitpicking about the person or persons bullied] only creates dissension in the workplace."
She adds that the shark mentality to running a business is prehistoric.
"Being aggressive and assertive is an old model for leadership," according to Berry, who states that when managers or co-workers "beat others down," they are using poor leadership. "Most productive companies don't tolerate that at all. People have learned that competition is healthy against the other team, not internally."
She suggests caution when confronting bullying in the workplace because ultimately the problem could be you, and not the bully.
"People can feel bullied because they're not doing their job. And sometimes people [who are asked or told] to work better feel intimidated because they're just plain lazy."
Cleveland businessman George Fraser says that although workplace bullies can be debilitating to other workers by causing added stress and anxiety, sometimes people think too highly of themselves at work anyway and need to view themselves critically.
Fraser, author of Success Runs In Our Race: The Complete Guide to Effective Networking in the African American Community, sees bullying in the workplace as a relationship-building issue.
"I believe life is an inside job that begins and ends with you," states Fraser. "The question I'd have to ask is, 'Why? Why am I being bullied? Am I being perceived as weak, as a slacker, a non-team player, am I undermining them? Am I a threat to this person? Or does this person just not like me because I'm an incompetent knucklehead?'"
The Power Networking guru says it's important to ask yourself some hard questions. And if you're not the problem, systematically approach ways to handle the workplace bully. "I'd be smart about it; first, I would make friends with their friends. Once I have a relationship with them, I'd mention-in an eloquent and elegant way-that I feel their friend is bullying me. This is going to get communicated [to the bully] by his friends, that way it's not coming from inc.
"Then I'd befriend a power player in the workplace, namely the bully's boss. I would try my best to do everything I could to cultivate a relationship with the bully's boss. This person ultimately can be an ally. Then I would talk-eloquently and elegantly-about my feelings on being bullied by this subordinate who is working for this person."
Fraser states that the No. 1 issue underlying all human problems is the lack of self-esteem and the lack of self-confidence. "Every major decision we make through our lives will come out of how we feel about ourselves."
"I would give the person who is bullying me what I would want: respect, adulation and the tools to do my job ... If the bully does not respond, I would threaten the bully's boss by saying I was going to leave. If I'm really valuable, the bully's boss will take action. If nothing is done, and no one cares, then that's a powerful statement about how I'm perceived in that workplace, it means no one values what I bring to the table, then I would leave ... why would you want to stay in a toxic work environment?"
