Should you date more than one person at a time?

Dating is the universal language for those seeking to meet others. Some people date for the sheer enjoyment of it while others date in the hopes of meeting that special someone they could perhaps one day spend their life with.

Whatever the case may be, there is no prescribed method for dating.

However, there are some people who take their dating so seriously that they absolutely refuse to date more than one person at a time. Should you really take this stand especially if you aren't in an exclusive relationship or should you date more than one person at a time?

Wherever you are in your life would determine whether you should date more than one person at a time, says Rev. Dr. Sheron Patterson, senior pastor of the St. Paul United Methodist Church in Dallas, TX.

"If you're in a mode of life or in a social situation where you seek to meet lots of different people and you're not attempting to be in a serious relationship, dating more than one person at a time would be fine," says Patterson, who runs a love clinic at her church and is the author of a book titled The Love Clinic.

Dating a variety of people is a good thing to do when you're in an exploratory mode and you're open to lots of possibilities, she adds. "This would be good for someone to do when they are getting out of a bad relationship or new to a city. You want to be open, flexible and accepting to new things."

Patterson says men are often considered "adventurous" or "open" when they date more than one person, while women tend to be viewed as "a slut" or "a loose woman." These misconceptions keep a great majority of women from "spreading themselves too thin" in the dating arena.

"Dating doesn't mean you must be intimate," says Patterson. "The dates should be clean. When the date has ended, he goes his way and you go yours. Culturally there is a stigma placed on women who date around."

She says women who date one person at a time are more likely to fall head over heels in love more quickly because they've limited the scope of their choices.

"Women have an inherent natural instinct to nest. We want to nest and produce. We're looking for someone who is stable and consistent. As a result, sometimes we jump into things too fast. We become clingy and want a commitment too fast because we rush the situation. When you date more than one person, you slow down and weigh your options because you're not zeroing in on one person."

Dr. Tiy-E Muhammad, assistant professor of psychology at Clark Atlanta University, says that men are often conditioned from a young age to date more than one woman at a time.

"Society perpetuates that a man should be with more than one woman," explains Muhammad, "unless you have a father or a role model of someone strong to guide you and say it's OK to be with different women, but do know the ultimate aim is to be with a woman."

A licensed relationship and sex therapist, Muhammad says that most women don't date more than one person because dating is often equated with people assuming that you're having sex.

"A woman should explore the dating arena to see what it's like being with different men. But dating doesn't mean you have to have sex with a person," says Muhammad, who authored the book Secrets Men Keep: What They Don't Tell. "If a woman has variety, she's not getting her feelings or emotions caught up immediately. She's able to look through them to see what's real."

Whether you're "dating" or "dating with intent" would determine if you should date more than one person at a time, says William July, author of Brothers, Lust and Love and Understanding The Tin Man.

"Regular or casual dating is just that, casual dating. In this form of dating, you don't owe anything to the other person more than common respect and courtesy," he says. "In this situation, yes, a person should date several people because this allows him/her to have a variety of experiences that are totally necessary in teaching you what you need to know about what you do and don't want to do in relationships."

He stresses that dating many people shouldn't be perceived the wrong way. "Of course, this doesn't mean that folk need to be out jumping in and out of each other's beds every night. I'm talking about getting to know different people, not jumping everybody's bones."

Dating with intent, reveals July, would require more commitment. In this instance, dating more than one person would be counterproductive. "This is exclusive dating with the intent to be an exclusive couple. When a couple mutually acknowledges that they are more than just casually dating, they're in a relationship. That's when they are dating with intent (intent to be exclusively attached)."

Dating more than one person at a time could definitely spice up a person's life, but, as with everything in life, the experts note there are pros and cons to doing this.

PROS

* You don't rush into romance.

"The dating game is so fast, people are in it just to be out of it. Ladies give their emotions so quickly," says Muhammad. "After the first kiss they think, `Oh, this is my new man,' as opposed to saying, `I had a nice date. Maybe we can do this again.' A woman has a tendency of giving too much of herself and divulging too much information too quickly." Patterson suggests, "It [dating a variety of people] gets your mind off the first date as the first step down the wedding aisle. Women can scare men off because they can be so intensely headed for marriage. If you enjoy the date and the conversation, you can see things more clearly. When you date looking through rose-colored glasses, you can see a person the way you want him to be. That can be dangerous."