Matriarch of DeBarge singing family tells story of fame, loss and perseverance in book 'Other Side of the Pain'

Jet, March 3, 2008 by Margena A. Christian

Etterlene DeBarge has witnessed a lot in her 73 years. The mother of the DeBarge singing family has watched her children hit the highest of highs in the recording industry and plummet to the lowest of lows in their personal lives.

But the woman affectionately known as "Mama DeBarge" believes she had to endure so much heartache to help others.

"God took me to the other side of the pain in my right mind," said DeBarge. "I was encouraged to share my story to help other women. The peace that God has given me is a gift."

DeBarge, who has 10 children, is sharing her story in a new memoir, Other Side of the Pain (www.othersideofthepain.com).

In the book she tells how eight of her children made a name for themselves in Hollywood and how they paid the price for fame. She also discusses their painful childhood and why she eventually had to leave their father, a White man of French and English descent from Cicero, IL.

"God is a God of love. Nowhere does it say I'm supposed to get beat up or my kids should get beat up," DeBarge said. "I stayed in that marriage for 23 years, but I was constantly leaving him. I was in an abusive relationship and an interracial relationship. That was taboo in my day."

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Her former husband, Robert DeBarge Sr., has previously denied allegations of abuse.

A very religious woman who came from a musical background, DeBarge found comfort in music and began to sing with her children. Eventually they were good enough to try show business.

"Every time I was looking around, someone was going to Hollywood," she laughed. "It's a blessing to have all my children make it because of what they went through. You wonder how they birthed such beautiful music. Even with so much pain, they were able to share love."

Bobby and Tommy DeBarge, the two oldest boys, were members of the '80s R&B group Switch. Bobby's voice led the group's classics, which included There'll Never Be, I Call Your Name and Love Over and Over Again.

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Five other children formed the group The DeBarges: Bunny, Mark, Randy, El and James. Their hits included All This Love, I Like It, Time Will Reveal, Love Me In A Special Way and Rhythm Of The Night. Their tune Stay With Me has been sampled by Mary J. Blige, Ashanti and the late Notorious B.I.G. A Dream, which sister Bunny wrote and led, has been sampled by Mary J. Blige, Blackstreet and the late Tupac.

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Another son, Chico, became a solo artist. His neo-soul sound produced hits like Iggin Me, Love Still Good, No Guarantee (w/Joe), Listen To Your Man (w/Joe), and Soopaman Luva (feat/Redman).

Though her children found success in the industry, Etterlene DeBarge also saw the other side of the fame.

"I believed my kids were lured into something they didn't know anything about," she said. "All they knew was church. California isn't what people think it is. People go out there looking for an illusion. You pay the price for fame but you don't realize it. They had everything that money could buy, but they didn't have peace of mind."

Bobby DeBarge developed a drug addiction. His battle with drugs and an overly promiscuous life led to his demise when he died of complications caused by AIDS in 1995. He was 39 (JET, Sept. 25, 1995).

"Bobby DeBarge is the most talented artist I have signed," said Motown Records founder Berry Gordy Jr. at the time of Bobby's death. Gordy signed the famous family to his label.

Chico and Bobby also served time in prison for drug trafficking. Some of her other children also developed substance-abuse problems.

"Narcotics is popular when you get famous," their mother said. "I've seen a lot behind the scenes and how people set them up to get drugs. There are so many snakes in Hollywood. When they put their eyes on you, they want money. And someone else is looking for a way to get some of that money so they get you strung out."

Her son El was a member of The DeBarges, but she said that he was pushed to leave the group and go solo.

"It was a nightmare. El was told he would be a superstar," she said. "[Berry Gordy] divided them. He didn't realize he was dividing a family and not a group."

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El's solo career spawned hits like Love Always, Someone, Who's Johnny and After The Dance (w/Fourplay).

In her book, Etterlene DeBarge also discusses her former daughter-in-law, singer Janet Jackson, who was married to James DeBarge. (JET, Oct. 15, 1984).

"I was a little fearful of what she would share," said James DeBarge about his mother's book. "Some of the things in the book were real tough and moving. Some things I couldn't go into because it was going into my past and it was hurtful. I touched on as much as I could bare."

James DeBarge is now the father of four children. In the past, Janet Jackson has denied allegations of having had a child with James during their marriage.

"James refuses to say anything," Etterlene DeBarge said. "Magazines offered him big money to say stuff. He could be rich, but he would not do it. He would rather be broke," she said. "He's very, very loyal to Janet. She really loved him and he really loved her."