Why money is the leading cause of divorce

Jet, Nov 18, 1996

Money enables people to buy many things; unfortunately, it can't buy happiness, love or a lasting relationship. And surprisingly, money turns out to be the leading cause of today's divorces.

Fifty-seven percent of divorced couples in the United States cited financial problems as the primary reason for the demise of their marriage. according to a survey conductted by Citibank.

Financial incompatibility is one way of explaining the reason money is the primary cause of divorce, says Cheryl D. Broussard, a registered investment advisor and author of the book The Black Woman's Guide To Financial Independence: Smart Ways To Take Charge Of Your Money, Build Wealth, and Achieve Financial Security.

Financial compatibility "has a lot to do with how people are raised," cites Broussard, who is a principal of Broussard & Douglas, Inc., located in Palo Alto, CA. "Women want an equal partnership, but men want to take the lead if that's how they were raised."

The corrupting effect financial incompatibility has on a marriage is compounded when couples don't discuss their financial problems.

Broussard says, People aren't discussing finances. Money is such a taboo subject. People associate bad things with money. If you're in a serious relationship, talk about this. If you don't, it will cause a huge gap."

Bonnie Fitch, an attorney from Houston, TX, who is a former associate municipal court judge, says money may be the leading cause of divorce because some couples do not unite and work together when it comes to handling their household finances.

The unequal division of money causes problems because control isn't equal. One person will have control and more money than the other. If one person is mismanaging funds, the strain comes when it doesn't benefit the other party. It puts a strain on who will be the person to handle the finances," asserts Fitch, who is sole practitioner of her own firm,

Problems also occur within a marriage when a spouses ego gets in the way, insists Fitch. She says that in today's society women are not only contributing to the family, but, in many cases, are the breadwinners, which doesn't sit well with all men.

"lf a man isn't completely comfortable with his wife being the breadwinner, that could cause him to feel less secure than if he were the breadwinner. It could put a strain on both in the marriage," says Fitch.

She continues, "This situation makes it difficult in terms of the man's self-esteem. It could affect him by making him less romantic or having problems on his job. He could go through a cadre of emotions.,

Attorney John W. Wiggins Sr., owner of a law firm in Houston, TX, disagrees that marriages are headed toward disaster if the husband isn't the head of the household financially. Instead, Wiggins says, to the contrary, men want wives who can assist them.

Males are not taking [their self-esteem being lowered] so much to heart. They are looking for someone who can assist in the financial pursuit," observes Wiggins. "I don't see so much of that `just stay home and raise the kids' situation,' but I see `have a job and raise the kids.' Men are looking for someone who can assist them."

Wiggins offers that the lack of money contributed by either spouse within a marriage and selfishness could both contribute to the financial downfall of a marriage.

The lack of money generated by one person in the eyes of the other can cause a problem because the expectations of the other person haven't been met," says Wiggins. "You also have people who have married young or before they acquired stability, and they tend to get selfish. They will feel that they want to enjoy their funds alone because they are doing so well."

Another reason money is the leading cause of divorce is because a spouse could use it as a symbol of power in the relationship, says Dr. Allen C. Carter, a clinical psychologist from Atlanta, GA. He believes power struggles may surface throughout marriage, and money is usually the root of the problem.

"Money has power connected to it, and it is a way to control," Dr. Carter tells Jet. "It is one of the most powerful ways that we think we can control people. It is a symbol of a way to get something that you don't have."

Also an adjunct faculty member at his alma mater, Morehouse College, he notes that using money as a way to control one's spouse "comes out of fear. Money is used to keep a person within a certain grasp or boundary in a way that makes the controller feel safe," Dr. Carter states.

He also says that some partners define themselves in the relationship with money, which leads to conflicts.

"If a person is rigidly identified with the social role that the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the helper, it will produce great conflict for both,, explains Dr. Carter.

"The man is usually the authority, and money has control and authority connected to it. The man may feel he has to be the man, by having control of the money. A woman Will accept the role by allowing the man to have the authority, but she may feel conflicted and confused for awhile because she feels it's unfair," Dr. Carter adds.