Living well with the money you have: author and syndicated columnist offers straightforward financial advice for people looking to take control of their money - Book Excerpt - Excerpt

Black Enterprise, March, 2004 by Michelle Singletary

Have people lost their minds? How on Earth did shopping become our way of life?

Does the tenet, "I shop, therefore I am," define who you are? If it does, you better get used to saying, "I shop, therefore I don't own a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out or.

"The most important fact about our shopping malls, as distinct from the ordinary shopping centers where we go for our groceries, is that we do not need most of what they sell, not even for our pleasure or entertainment. not really even for a sensation of luxury. Little in them is essential to our survival, our work, or our play, and the same is true of the boutiques that multiply on our streets," says Henry Fairlie. Our obsession with shopping is standing in the way of financial security. We should be treating shopping as a chore, not a social outing.

Stop participating in an activity that requires spending money you don't have. In many respects, men have it right when it comes to shopping. Many men abhor shopping. As a result, they minimize the time spent in malls.

Let's look at how a lot of men shop. They decide what they want. They pick a day to go to the store. They go to the store. If they can, they park right outside the store to avoid having to trek through the mall. They buy only what they planned to purchase and leave immediately afterward. Their shopping trip is short and sweet.

Malls should be for shopping. Don't hang out at the mall. Don't meet your girlfriends there. Avoid, if you can, eating at the mall. Don't window shop. Tell yourself you are on a mission.

I actually don't enjoy shopping anymore, but I'll be honest. This hasn't always been the case. I once wrote a weekly column for the Baltimore Evening Sun called "Born to Shop." I lived to find bar gains, Shopping gave me a high. I once spent a solid month going back and forth to a store nearly every day waiting for a $200 sweater to go on sale. During each trip, I would take the sweater in my size and hide it among clothes on another rack so it couldn't be sold. The sweater finally was reduced by 709%. Do you know I've worn that sweater all of three times in the 15 years I've had it?

At one time in my life, I thought bargain shopping was my God-given gift. I would actually have withdrawal pains if I went one weekend without shopping. However, I realized that every time I set foot in a mall, I came away with things I didn't need and had no intention of buying. I often bought something just to make the trip worthwhile.

If you want to accumulate appreciating assets and not sweaters, you have to stop thinking you have discretionary income.

The key to cutting your spending is tuning out the marketing machine that tells us we need to buy, buy, and buy. How can you avoid the advertising hype? Here's how:

Remove yourself from temptation. Recovering alcoholics shouldn't frequent bars nor should spendthrifts frequent mails.

Keep a spending journal. Whenever you're tempted to go shopping, write down why before you go. Write down how it will make you feel to add more debt to your credit card. Write down what's motivating you to spend the money. Are you stressed about something at work? Are your children getting on your last nerve? Has your spouse pissed you off? Putting your thoughts to paper has a way of making you think about your actions.