Don't take no for an answer: winners project an air of enthusiasm, intelligence and self-confidence - business networking

Black Enterprise, Nov, 1993 by Dawn M. Baskerville

There are two factions in the networking world: those who thrive on it and those who hate it. Despite the hype touting its merits, some professionals avoid networking like the plague. The reason? A basic fear of rejection.

We've all experienced rejection at some point or another. Maybe you couldn't hold the straying attention of a distracted listener. Or, you were cut off in mid-sentence by the exit of your partner. Perhaps you were blatantly excluded from a group conversation. Whatever the cause, the result was the same: You felt snubbed, and the experience left a sour taste in your mouth regarding future networking opportunities. Since this attitude, though understandable, is totally self-defeating, it's best to channel your energies toward conquering your fear and moving on to more positive networking encounters. Here's how:

* Check your attitude: It may sound pat, but the attitude you project (body language is key here) can definitely attract or repel people. Your mother's old insistence that you smile as she introduces you to Great Aunt Ethel will go a long way toward successfully breaking the ice at professional gatherings. By assessing an exchange where you felt slighted, you can avoid a repeat performance in the future. Winning moves: enthusiasm, confidence and intelligence. On the other hand, people who are sullen, arrogant or grossly uninformed are always a turn-off.

* Assess your skills: "The better your networking skills, the less likely you are to invite rejection," says Leslie Smith, associate director of the National Association for Female Executives, a professional women's organization based in New York City. In hard terms, that means beefing up on the basics: Become a well-read, well-versed and well-rounded person. And, when it comes to help or information, seek out ways to give, not just take it.

* Tailor your goals: Be realistic about which settings offer which opportunities. Trying to enroll someone in a weighty, extended conversation during a light and airy cocktail hour will likely earn you a rebuff, notes Smith. Try offering your business card with a request to discuss your topic at a later, more opportune time. You'll stand a better chance of snaring a more captive audience.

* Don't be a victim: Remember, everyone, at some time, has experienced rejection, so you're in good company once it happens to you. It's also important to realize that what you perceive as a personal snub may, in fact, have nothing to do with you at all. "As a salesman, I've become accustomed to initially not being very well received," says Thomas Garrett, president of New York City-based Power Suits Unlimited. "I've learned to dust myself off, set realistic goals and be persistent to got that sale the next time." Being distracted, tired or involved in the running of an event might all be reasons for a person's appearing to be rude or less than interested in your approach. So don't take it personally, just keep pushing forward and making those worthwhile connections.