From catholic priest to atheist psychologist a memoir

Humanist, Jan-Feb, 2008 by Stephen F. Uhl

ON A VERY HOT SUMMER NIGHT in the depression year 1930, I was born in the same farmhouse bed as my five older siblings. That same bed would also witness the stage entrance of my three youngest brothers. Would you guess this was a Catholic family?

Poor Dad, he saw four daughters come into his life before he saw a son who could be designated to take over the farm. Morn pointed me, the second son, toward the altar. So you might say I had a very early vocation to the priesthood; in fact, I can't recall any childhood time when I wasn't going to be a priest.

As a young boy, I was treated especially well. When Mom gave me the golden brown crust of a still hot, freshly baked loaf of bread, or if she defended me in an argument with siblings, I savored her approval. It became clear to me later in childhood that I was Mom's favorite. She was a fervent Catholic, and it was I, her child with the supernatural destiny, who was her chosen one.

Mom motivated me to work hard in school, and this paid high intellectual dividends. Thanks especially to Mom's efforts, I developed a love for learning that I trust will never die until I do. I did disappoint her, however, when I flunked first grade. My teacher, Aunt Loretta, had told Mother it would be better for me to start first grade at six. But Mother just knew I could handle it at age five. She wanted me to move along as quickly as possible. Well, Aunt Loretta had her own teacher's ideas, and she made her point by flunking me so that I repeated first grade at age six.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

During grade school, I enjoyed being an altar boy, because I believed the religious ceremonies brought me to God. At the same time, I enjoyed strutting my liturgical stuff in the sanctuary before my mom and the rest of the parishioners. In my boyhood, we considered the priests to be special and thought they deserved the greatest respect. There was no hint of pedophilia from our priests at Saint Michael's church. (Much later I learned of some alcohol abuse and nocturnal extra-celibate activities, but never pedophilia.)

So the priesthood was a very attractive goal for me at the pivotal age of fourteen in spite of a few puppy-love crushes that didn't follow me to the seminary. I really did believe without reservation that I was destined to be of special service to God and his church.

SEMINARY

When this young farmer's son entered the boarding seminary at Saint Meinrad, Indiana, I was impressed to the point of being overwhelmed. The size of the buildings, the numbers of classmates and new friends, and the rigors of the schedule added up to a challenging thrill for me. I followed the strict rules, studied and played hard, and enjoyed the exciting growth of it all. I even enjoyed the institutional cooking that some of the city kids complained about. Being from a large and poor family, I was already accustomed to sharing with others and appreciating the food that was available.

Homesickness quickly reduced the number of our freshman class. Through the coming six years the young ladies naturally attracted many others to abandon the long trek to the altar and ordination. I myself fought through and sublimated those natural attractions of adolescence which were then included in "temptations of the flesh."

I vividly remember the main point of Father Adelbert's annual June sermon to us as our Spiritual Director: "You can go home for this summer vacation, and you can go out with girls if you want to; that's okay. Just don't come back!" Of course, many did go with the girls and didn't come back. I sublimated those natural drives while wearing out a lot of tennis shoes as a local championship handball player.

After two years of college, we came to what we called "the parting of the ways." The six-year minor seminary chapter dosed as the next chapter of six years of major seminary studies opened. Some of the classmates, most really good friends by this time, continued at the Saint Meinrad major seminary preparing for service either in the parishes or for entrance into the Benedictine monastery at Saint Meinrad. Philosophy and theology became the principal studies during these six years.

MARMION ABBEY

A few of us parted further from our fond Saint Meinrad roots and went into the Benedictine monastery at Aurora, Illinois, for our major seminary studies. I chose this option for several specific reasons. The head of this young monastery was Abbot Gerald Benkert, former rector of the minor seminary at Saint Meinrad. I knew and admired him as a very intelligent man, and I knew this new monastery would need manpower to run their high school, Marmion Military Academy. I looked forward to teaching there.

At Marmion Abbey we delved into full-time monastic life without vacations or frequent trips home; the monastery was our new and "unworldly" home. We learned to humble ourselves, leave our families, give up property and pleasures, and follow Christ. This harsh lifestyle stressed humility, lowliness, personal unworthiness, and guilt, especially during the first year, known as the novitiate year.