Let's all give money to the rich man! Billionaire sports team owners and their corporate welfare scam

Reason, June, 2007 by Peter Bagge

WASN'T THIS A GREAT IDEA, SON?

NOT REALLY..

BY MY CALCULATIONS, WE COULD HAVE EATEN AT CHUCK E. CHEESE, SEEN A MOVIE, AND BOUGHT A NEW VIDEO GAME FOR THE SAME PRICE!

EVERY COMMUNITY HAS ONLY SO MUCH MONEY TO SPEND ON ENTERTAINMENT. SO WHATEVER AMOUNT A FAMILY MIGHT SPEND ON A PRO SPORTS EVENT WOULD JUST BE SPENT ON SOMETHING ELSE!

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THE OWNERS HAVE WILLING ACCOMPLICES IN THE LOCAL MAINSTREAM MEDIA, FOR WHICH PRO SPORTS MEANS HIGHER CIRCULATIONS AND RATINGS ...

PLEASE, PEOPLE, JUST GIVE THE OWNERS WHAT THEY WANT ...

OTHERWISE I'LL HAVE TO GO BACK TO COVERING HIGH SCHOOL GAMES!

AND ANY COMMENTATOR WHO DARES TO QUESTION THE WISDOM OF A NEW STADIUM WILL SUDDENLY HAVE A HARD TIME GETTING INTERVIEWS WITH THE TEAMS' STARS!

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BUT THE BIGGEST CULPRITS ARE THE POLITICIANS, MOST OF WHOM HAVE NEVER SEEN A "PUBLIC-PRIVATE PARTNERSHIP" THEY DIDN'T LOVE ...

IF WE FUND THE STADIUM BY TAXING BOOZE, GAMBLING AND CIGARETTES, IT WON'T COST CLEAN-LIVING PEOPLE A DIME ...

AND 10 PERCENT OF ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TO THE ARTS! *

* A COMMON PLOY USED TO BUY OFF ANY LIBERAL OPPOSITION.

THEY SHAMELESSLY PARROT THE OWNERS' SALES PITCHES, WHICH ROUTINELY IGNORE COST OVERRUNS AND BOND INTEREST PAYMENTS THAN CAN QUADRUPLE THE PROJECT'S ACTUAL PRICE TAG.

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THESE PUBLIC-PRIVATE TAG TEAMS ALSO LOVE TO ABUSE EMINENT DOMAIN LAWS TO BULLDOZE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOODS--LIKE WHEN THE TEXAS RANGERS GOBBLES UP A HUGE CHUNK OF DOWNTOWN ARLINGTON TO MAKE WAY FOR A SPRAWLING "ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX" THAT HAS YET TO BE BUILT ...

WE LIKE THE WAY YOU DO BUSINESS, GOV ...

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT?

OH BOY! WOULD I!

ONE OF THE RANGERS' OWNERS, TEXAS GOV. GEORGE W. BUSH, PARLAYED A $600,000 INVESTMENT INTO A $15 MILLION WINDFALL THANKS IN LARGE PART TO THIS ALL-TOO-TYPICAL MISUSE OF GOVERNMENT POWER.

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IRONICALLY, THE STATE OF MARYLAND TRIED TO INVOKE EMINENT DOMAIN TO CONDEMN AND CONFISCATE THE BALTIMORE COLTS TO KEEP THEM FROM MOVING AWAY BACK IN 1984 ...

BU MR. IRSAY, WE'LL OFFER YOU JUST COMPENSATION FOR YOUR TEAM!

THATS WHAT I'M AFRAID OF ...

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FIND OUT MY $50 MILLION FRANCHISE CONSISTS OF LITTLE MORE THAN SOME OFFICE FURNITURE!

THE COURTS RIGHTLY PREVENTED THE STATE FROM DOING SO, BUT IT'S INTERESTING HOW THESE LAWS ONLY WORK ONE WAY WHEN IT COMES TO THIS SUBJECT.

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ONE OFT-CITED SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM IS PUBLIC OWNERSHIP OF PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAMS, AS IN THE CASE OF THE GREEN BAY PACKERS ...

ALLOWING FANS TO BUY SHARES OF A TEAM SMACKS OF SOCIALISM ...

AND IT MIGHT INTERFERE WITH OUR SHARED REVENUE SCHEME!

ARRANGEMENT THAT THE OTHER N.F.L OWNERS SELF-SERVINGLY BANNED IN 1961 (THOUGH LATER IN INCONSISTENT EXCEPTION WAS MADE FOR PUBLIC CORPORATIONS).

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IN 1934, THE PACKERS ISSUED 5,000 SHARES OF STOCK TO KEEP THE TINY-MARKET FRANCHISE ALIVE. THESE SHARES ARE STILL MOSTLY IN THE HANDS OF DIE-HARD PACKERS FANS, PRACTICALLY ASSURING THE TEAM WILL NEVER MOVE ...

(I WONDER WHO GRANDPA BEQUEATHED HIS PACKER SHARES TO).