Eat, drink and be Italian or Japanese

0 Comments | Insight on the News, April 29, 2002 | by Stephen Goode

Ted Hayes, whose occasional articles for INSIGHT you may recall, sends the following health advice. Here is impeccable logic that reaches a conclusion, step by careful step. Consider:

Step 1: The Japanese eat very little fat and a lot of fish and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans or the British.

Step 2: On the other hand, it's not just a lot of fat that's bad. After all, the French eat a lot of fat and other rich foods, but they also suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans or the British, who consume far fewer heavy sauces and other luxuries of haute cuisine.

Step 3: The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Step 4: But it's not just low red-wine intake that's good for one's health. After all, the Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Step 5: Almost every Scandinavian and Belgian smokes very strong cigarettes -- and an awful lot of them -- yet they also have fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans, who don't smoke nearly as much as the Scandinavians and, when they do, smoke tobacco much kinder to one's throat and lungs.

Putting together the indisputable information assembled in steps one through five, what is the inevitable, obvious conclusion? Eat, drink and smoke what you like. It's not fat, wine or tobacco that's going to do you in. Ultimately, it is speaking the English language that will kill you.

STEPHEN GOODE IS A SENIOR WRITER FOR Insight.