Two Many Wives

0 Comments | Insight on the News, May 7, 2001 | by Valerie Richardson

Supporters of plural marriage insist that Rulon Jeffs is the rare exception. About two-thirds of polygamous men have just two wives, while almost 90 percent have three or less. Less than 5 percent have more than five, says Watson, a plural wife who coauthored Voices in Harmony: Contemporary Women Celebrate Plural Marriage with Mary Batchelor and Anne Wilde.

Those who try to paint all polygamists with the same broad brush can expect an earful from Allred, however. His group opposes arranged marriages, incestuous unions, the marriage of young girls and even polygamy when the man involved cannot properly support more than one wife. He recently urged the church's young people to delay marriage until the man is at least age 22 and the woman age 20.

Allred, whose eight wives all qualify for senior-citizen discounts, also believes in "free agency," in which church members may decide for themselves whether they want to practice polygamy. Of his own 23 adult children, about half are living "in the principle." The others have chosen monogamy, which is fine with him. As for the women of Tapestry, he surprisingly is sympathetic. "I know them," he says. "They were treated wrongly when they tried to live in plural marriage." He pauses, then adds wryly: "But no one in monogamy was ever treated wrong."

Thompson would be the first to attest that the life of a polygamist husband is not the erotic fantasy it's cracked up to be. Balancing the emotional needs of two wives and dealing with their inherent jealousies and insecurities is more taxing than most men realize, he says. "It's not an easy way of life. It's hell unless you have the conviction that what you're doing is right. You can't overcome the fear and jealousy that come with this unless you rely on the Lord. I think most men would crack under the pressure."

Besides, in a day and age when sex outside of marriage and cohabitation often are seen as socially acceptable, men no longer need the cover of polygamy to lure multiple partners. "It's a lot more trouble than people think," says Melanie Thompson. "If sex is what you're looking for, there are easier ways to do it."

For some women, living in polygamy allows them to make their relationships with God and their families the center of their lives. "It's not about our individual relationship with our husband; it's about our working together as a family," says Mary Jane Thompson.

Certainly public opinion continues to run against plural marriage. Tapestry's Rowenna Erickson wants to see the state enforce its antipolygamy statute. Ideally, she'd like to see plural wives removed from their polygamous marriages and "deprogrammed" of their beliefs. "It's power and control," she says. "I struggled to come out of it. It's a cult."

But given the difficulties of proving polygamous relationships, not to mention the First Amendment issues involved, that's unlikely to happen. Indeed, in a day and age when Playboy founder Hugh Hefner can announce that he's living with eight playmates, the lines between the lifestyles of polygamists and the rest of American society are becoming increasingly blurred.