Out-of-the-Closet Metrosexuals Unite!

0 Comments | Insight on the News, Nov 24, 2003 | by Douglas Burton

Byline: Douglas Burton, INSIGHT

Out-of-the-Closet Metrosexuals Unite!

Tom Adkins, Free Republic Internet Radio Show, Philadelphia, www.CommonConservative.com

Once in awhile a candidate comes forward and really puts out a great effort to distance themselves from the other idiots. But Howard Dean really outdid himself. First, he declared himself to be a "metrosexual," the buzz phrase for straight men in touch with their feminine sides. But later he recanted, perhaps when he discovered the full definition was "A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself but also his urban lifestyle."

Okay, we can't hold pure pandering against a Democrat. After all, that's what their entire political philosophy is based on. But a few days later, Dean claimed he wanted to represent the guys who wave the Confederate flag and drive pickup trucks. Now, besides the fact that this is a really strange pander to an outrageous stereotype, how on Earth can you be a redneck metrosexual? It's impossible!

There are no narcissistic rednecks! Rednecks can't even spell narcissistic!

Undocumented Immigration Issue

Laura Ingraham, Westwood One Radio Network, New York City, LauraIngraham.com

The unholy alliance between conservatives who don't want to offend businesses and liberals who don't want to offend Hispanic voters is stronger and more vocal than ever. They feel enough time has passed, that the rest of us will just buckle under the pressure as they ram through policy after policy that weakens our immigration laws.

Recently Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch managed to get the Senate Judiciary Committee to vote 16-3 in favor of a bill called the Dream Act (who could be against that?) that would allow states to give illegals in-state tuition rates at state universities. This was hardly covered by the mainstream press. Hatch apparently doesn't care that in poll after poll, a strong majority of Americans say they want our immigration laws vigorously enforced. How does giving incentives and benefits to lawbreakers accomplish that?

Phlegmatic Civility From the Boys Of Summer

Shmuley Boteach, Talk America Network, New York City, Shmuley@Shmuley.com

Whatever happened to the gentleman sportsman? Watching the World Series has become nauseating and gross. Every guy is spitting huge globs of phlegm on TV. And they show you close-ups of these players shooting saliva halfway across the field and looking like Linda Blair in that projective vomit scene in The Exorcist.

It brings a whole new meaning to "sliding into second." There's such a thick film of mucus on the field that it's a miracle they don't slide straight onto the causeway and into an oncoming truck. Time was when men were gentlemen, especially if they wore any kind of uniform.

They didn't grab their crotch and they didn't cough up their lunch when they were on national TV.

The men and women who wear the uniform of the United States answer every question from a reporter in Iraq by using the word "Ma'am" and "Sir" first. But these baseball guys, who earn in one game what a soldier would earn in a lifetime, do interviews while blowing bubbles straight into the camera. Just goes to show you that it's not money but honor that brings class.

Bureaucrat Turf Wars Is the

Burning Issue

Roger Hedgecock, KOGO-AM 600, San Diego, www.RogerHedgecock.com

President [George W.] Bush visited fire-ravaged [San Diego] County that's good. He concluded, after being briefed, that federal, state and local agencies cooperated very well in fighting this fire. That's not true.

When the cedar fire was only as big as a football field on Saturday afternoon, the U.S. Forest Service waived off sheriff's helicopters ready and willing to douse the fire. The next day, Gov. [Gray] Davis declined offered federal help and kept two C-130 tankers our largest on the ground at Point Mugu Air Station while the fire was exploding through our neighborhoods.

On Monday, Marine firefighting helicopters at Pendleton which had just successfully fought the Pendleton fire, were offered to the California Department of Forestry (CDF), who declined the offer because the Marine pilots weren't state-certified. The transparent idiocy of this statement was soon replaced with: "The military choppers couldn't communicate with state dispatchers." Untrue.

By Tuesday, with thousands fleeing, hundreds of homes burned and more than a dozen dead, the city firefighting helicopter sat unused at Montgomery Field again because CDF saw no need for it.

Cooperation? No, just the opposite. The firefighters on the line were true heroes, but their bosses preferred to stick to their bureaucratic turf wars and interagency jealousies while San Diego burned.

Douglas Burton is an associate editor for Insight magazine.