Trouble in Texas: Feather Dusters and Unusual Haircuts

0 Comments | Insight on the News, Jan 19, 2004

Byline: Stephen Goode, INSIGHT

Trouble in Texas; Feather Dusters and Unusual Haircuts

It is no doubt possible to learn American history from sources other than Andy Powell and Jeff Koon's delightful Website DumbLaws. com. But rest assured that few places offer as much fun.

Powell and Koon offer a state-by-state rundown of dumb laws and, within each state, a rundown by towns. Perusing the site can be a tour of the past, a good way to learn what was on lawmakers' minds way back when and what they tried to do about it.

In Abilene, Texas, for example, "It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing."

In Clarendon, in the same state, "It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster."

And how about laws in these other Texas towns?

In El Paso, "Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots and saloons are required to provide spittoons 'of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.'"

Galveston has a law which declares that "Any person who sits on a sidewalk may be fined up to $500." In Galveston, too, "It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays."

Visitors to Houston should perhaps be aware that "It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday," while those who plan to spend time in LeFors will be interested to know that "It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing."

Understandable but probably unenforceable is a Port Arthur ordinance that says, "Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator."

Those of a criminal bent will take warning that in Temple, "Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot."

A Mesquite law that says "It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts" left this column wondering what is meant by unusual and whether the parents get fined for violating the rule, the kids themselves or both.

For the people's favorite town ordinance, however, comes from Texarkana, where "Owners of horses may not ride them at night without taillights."

Commonsense Code Of Proper Conduct

A couple of months ago for the people quoted from Texas Bix Bender's excellent new book, Cowboy Etiquette, which offers wise advice on basic good behavior for human beings, such as "If you make a date, keep it" and "Treat everybody like they're important."

Those commonsense quotations prompted readers to send in their own favorite lists of dos and don'ts for responsible and thoughtful living. One that impresses this column very favorably indeed is Gene Autry's "Cowboy Code."

* The cowboy must never shoot first, hit a smaller man or take unfair advantage.

* He must never go back on his word or a trust confided in him.

* He must always tell the truth.

* He must be gentle with children, the elderly and animals.

* He must not advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.

* He must help people in distress.

* He must be a good worker.

* He must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action and personal habits.

* He must respect women, parents and his nation's laws.

* The cowboy is a patriot.

Those are all good and solid traits. But perhaps added to them could be a couple more quotes from Bender's Cowboy Etiquette, which sort of acts as a summary for the whole list: "Act the same way when you don't have company as when you do," and "It's good to know yourself but it's not enough."

Stephen Goode is a senior writer for Insight.