Lady Meyer Struggles for Parental Rights

0 Comments | Insight on the News, Oct 2, 2000 | by Timothy W. Maier

And so I told him, "I wrote that book because I love you, and I've been trying to see you all of these years." To which he said, "You lie. Daddy told us that you can come and see us any time you want, but you never did."

Alexander was saying things that children don't say: "You force the press to write lies." And I said, "You know I can't do that. You know I don't control the press."

And so it was very difficult, because I could see how this child was reciting things that obviously did not originate with him. In December when we saw them I took along some Christmas presents. They were things from America of the kind every kid loves. Things tend to come on the market here before they do in Europe, and Alexander was very pleased with the gifts. You know, skateboards and things like that. Then, suddenly, he was saying, "And you're trying to buy us."

Insight: They don't write to you?

CM: I've received one card in six years. It was a one-and-a-half liner and obviously dictated: "Thank you for our present. Yours, Alexander." As if my child would sign "Yours."

Insight: Did the German court grant you visitation rights?

CM: Today I have no visitation rights whatsoever.

Insight: What's to stop you from getting on a plane, going there, knocking on the door and just announcing: "Mommy's home"?

CM: I did that in 1995, when I had access rights. My ex-husband didn't let me in the house, called the police and told them I was there to try to abduct the children. So, there I was in Germany surrounded by the police. I showed the policeman my court decision saying I have "an access right." The policeman relaxed and said, "Well, I'm sorry, I can't do anything about it, because in Germany access rights are not enforceable."

Insight: How have you been able to endure this?

CM: I think I survived by working hard for justice and holding to the conviction that what we have learned from my tragedy can be used to help other children and their parents.

Insight: The book was therapy for you?

CM: In one way it was awful because I had to go through it emotionally again. But on the other hand it was the first time that I was forced to talk about it. I don't like talking about my emotions because it makes me feel like crying, and if I'm crying I'm not fighting.

My initial book was published in England and it was called Two Children Behind the Wall because I feel like there is a brick wall separating me from my boys. Whatever I do is wrong: If I write to my children I am accused of harassing them; if I don't write to my children I'm accused of not caring for them; if I talk to the press I'm grandstanding; if I don't talk to the press then they say I won't fight for my children. My children were stolen from me, but it is I who am on trial.

Insight: The child of American parent Joseph Cook also was kidnapped to Germany but may be coming home soon. Does that give you some hope for your own case?

CM: Mildly, but after six years of disappointment it's very difficult to be too optimistic. And, I think, even Joe Cook is being careful not to count on it too much. After you've been disappointed so many times you decide to believe it when it happens. And a lot of people among the German authorities tell you, "Oh well, you have to have patience." Well, to a parent who has lost his children, what is patience? I mean, every day is a day more without those children. But I think, you know, it's fabulous what happened to Mr. Cook. And, thanks to the president and the Congress, we have been able to get a message across so that Germany now has accepted that there is a systemic problem in the way it handled obligations under the Hague Convention.