Simply simple: `voluntary simplicity' helps busy families take time to stop and smell the roses

Insight on the News, Jan 28, 2002 by Alexandra Rockey Fleming

Selena Mordue spends a lot of time thinking about how to make her life simpler. She and her husband, David; shrug off consumer and cultural prescriptions for 21st-century living. They turn first to herbal remedies when illness strikes, saving on visits to doctors. They limit their use of disposable products.

The Mordues are members of Families for Natural Living, an educational and support group of 25 families in Northern Virginia. The group considers itself part of a loosely knit movement that advocates "voluntary simplicity," a concept that, while fluid, has one key tenet: savoring life and identifying the activities that bring a true sense of satisfaction. For most people, this means spending more time on reflection and less money on stuff, ultimately freeing up time to concentrate on family, children, community and self.

"We've chosen our lifestyle, and the big thing is money -- the more money you have, the more choices you have," says Selena Mordue. One of their choices is to save enough money to enable her to stay home with her toddler daughter and the couple's second child, expected in April. But Mordue also makes consumer decisions that she considers more earth- and people-oriented.

"We bring things into our home that are made from natural things -- wood, glass, paper," she says. "Even the clothes we wear are made from natural fibers such as cotton, linen, silk and wool."

Cecile Andrews, author of The Circle of Simplicity, says she finds it interesting how much most of us buy without thinking. "Our lifestyle says if you have a problem, go out and buy a product," says Andrews. "If you live in a culture that is telling you you're not measuring up (like in commercials), that is a guarantee of dissatisfaction."

Voluntary simplicity, on the other hand, emphasizes "the examined life," says Andrews. "One part of it very much has to do with the environment. People understand global warming and issues of pollution. Another thing is that I don't think we've ever lived at such a frenzied pace, and people are feeling they just can't take it anymore. It's looking at the way we live and asking, `Is this really the road to happiness?'"

Getting started in the simple life begins with identifying dissatisfaction, Andrews adds. "Most people start working on their spending first, thinking, `Maybe I could work less if I could save more money.' Some people might negotiate taking a sabbatical, taking a year off. This is what people are searching for -- the gift of time. Maybe parents want to have one parent stay home, so people are finding ways to do this."

To be sure, living simply with children is anything but easy. Peers (and the resulting pressure) are a constant in the lives of children -- especially preteens and teen-agers. This factor can put a dent in the best-laid parenting plans.

Mary Peters and her husband, Chris Ball, a telecommunications manager, wish to raise their children Torey, 13, and Caleb, 9, "to be good stewards of the earth." The family uses reusable plastic cups instead of paper cups, for example, and they grow food, including wheat, in their yard for their own consumption, eschewing chemical fertilizers.

All of this is the easy part, says Mary Peters. The difficulty lies in asking her children to embrace a simpler life in the face of one filled with the attractions of consumerism. "It is too easy to get caught up with keeping up with the Joneses," says Peters, a stay-at-home mother in Falls Church, Va. "Kids have too many activities, and parents are trying to produce these superkids. My daughter will ask me every week for a new activity, and I have to tell her, `No, we can't put all our time into your activities. ... My son still has a lot of toys and video games, and my daughter participates in some activities and is into clothes, nails and shopping. Like other parents, I give in to some of this and say no to some of it."

Peters says she leads her youngsters more by example than by force. "Voluntary means choosing it for yourself, so we can't make them do it," she says. "We try to do as much as we can, feeling that we are planting seeds for their future."

Many people share the feeling that they are working and playing too hard, says Eric Brown, communications director for the Center for a New American Dream, a nonprofit organization based in Takoma Park, Md., a suburb of Washington. The center, with 5,000 members in 30 countries, is dedicated to helping people change the way they consume to protect the environment and enhance their quality of life. "We have found ourselves in this culture that says more is better, gotta have more and bigger," says Brown. "The impact is on spending time with family and friends and doing things that matter."

Interest in the center spiked in the wake of Sept. 11: Applications for new memberships in the organization doubled and Website hits broke all records in the month following despite the absence of new advertising campaigns or efforts. "A lot of people said, `Gosh, I've been working so much, traveling -- I'm glad I get a second chance,'" explains Brown.