Clinton's shame stuns our kids

0 Comments | Insight on the News, Sept 28, 1998 | by Timothy W. Maier

Sure, grownups can conjecture all they want about the president's behavior and subsequent "misleading" of his family and country, but what should we tell our children?

A New York schoolteacher told her second-grade class to write a story about a current event. One boy knew exactly what to write. When he turned in his homework the title of the boy's story shocked the teacher. It read: "Clinton Gets a Blow Job."

The paper did not describe any sexual act and the boy readily admitted to the teacher that he did not understand his title. When he asked, "What does it mean?" the teacher responded, "Ask your parents" After school the boy did just that, and his parents replied: "Go ask your teacher."

This true story, related to Insight by New York child psychologist Lawrence Shapiro, author and president of Childswork/Childsplay, a manufacturer of psychological games, is but one example of a disturbing problem that President Clinton's oral sodomizing of Monica Lewinsky has dumped on parents and teachers.

Child psychologists say parents must make time to talk to their children about this. Some parents feel uncomfortable and ignore it. Yosef I. Abramowitz, author of Beyond Scandal: The Parents Guide to Sex, Lies & Leadership, says: "By ignoring the scandal you are internalizing it and teaching a dangerous lesson that lying is acceptable, that breaking the rules increases your popularity. You must engage children about the subject because there is no way to insulate them from the scandal."

Most of the nation's schools attempted to ignore it when the scandal broke in January, but Insight has learned that some secondary schools have begun using it to teach civics lessons. Elementary-school teachers are in the main holding their breath, hoping no one asks the sex question. National Education Association spokeswoman Nancy Lyons passes the buck and ducks when asked for the recommendation of the pro-Clinton teacher's union. "We rely on state and local affiliates to deal with those issues. What's more, we have not had any requests for that kind of information" and have no plans to provide it.

Barbara Lewis, a teacher at Jackson Elementary School in Salt Lake City and author of What Do You Stand For: A Kid's Guide to Building Character, says, "There is a fear of repercussions with parents if we do discuss it. Teachers in a way are under gag orders. You just can't say certain things." If a child can be led to raise the issue, however, that is a green light. "Parents and teachers have to say that it isn't okay. But there's a fine line on what you can say.... Parents and teachers have a responsibility to draw the questions out of the children."

"There are two ways to deal with the issue" Shapiro says. "The psychologically correct answer is you need to talk to kids and tell them the truth in language that they can understand." The not-so psychologically correct answer? "Parents have to do what they need to do" Shapiro says. "Some parents can say `penis' and some say `pee pee.' There just may not be a right way to do this."

Parents are finding other solutions. "I've been diving for the remote control" says Judy Letterman, a New York mother with three children ages 5, 8 and 13. "My 8-year-old wants to know what an affair is. And why the president was having one."

What did she say? "I had to go into details" Letterman says sheepishly. "The whole infidelity thing and telling him you're not supposed to do this. I tell you, it has been a nightmare of an educational process. My [8-year-old] son really looked up to the president. He wanted to be president when he grew up. Now it's gotten to the point that I have to switch off the radio. They're not allowed to watch TV -- only videos -- because there are certain things I don't want to discuss, like the dress."

Letterman says her kids need something more from the president. "We need a fuller apology because the American people think character matters. Dan Quayle got laughed out of his office when he talked about family values, but values are important."

While Letterman's 5-year-old daughter is oblivious to the scandal, it has had a much greater impact on her 13-year-old son Jason, who says the president doesn't get it. "Misled?" asks Jason. "He says, `I may have misled people! You don't say that! You say you lied. If he can't manage his own personal relationships, how can he manage the country?"

Clinton, who campaigned on slogans such as "Let's do it for the children" appears to have lost credibility among children as well as adults. Linda Dunlap, chairwoman of the psychology department for Marist College in New York, recalls overhearing a 10-year-old say of the president, "He did it in the house that we own. That's not even his house. That's really bad."

This is such a contrast from how President Reagan conducted himself in the White House, says Bob Morrison, a policy analyst at the conservative Family Research Council. When presidential adviser Michael Deaver suggested to Reagan that he take off his suit jacket on an extremely hot and humid day, Reagan would have none of that. He responded, "Michael, this is the Oval Office."