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0 Comments | Insight on the News, Dec 23, 1996

POLITICS

Pundits complained bitterly about the snooze factor in this years's election -- whining that it was the most boring in modern history But reporters who were sentenced to the tortuous job of covering the candidates often were blessed with what only can be described as "Dole Speak," and President Clinton could be counted on for some big-whoopers as well. And let us not absolve the press corps, members of which talk nonsense regularly.

The Prophet

During his 96-hour stumping marathon, Bob Dole attempted to repeat his familiar refrain about his 15 percent tax cut. He usually says: "We'll give you a tax cut -- satisfaction guaranteed and your money back." Instead he made the ultimate last-minute campaign promise, saying, "We'll give you sex -- satisfaction guaranteed and your money back!"

* Dole apparently was hungry during his attack on Clinton's tax cut: "They, the Clinton administration, look you in the eye and say we're going to give you targeted tax cuts if you keep your room clean and eat your vegetables and do all the other things the government wants you to do. And if you eat your vegetables, you could live as long as Senator Thurmond, who is going to be reelected without any problems. I used to follow him around. When he ate a banana, I ate a banana. Whatever worked."

* Acknowledging the density of bureaucratic jargon, Dole pledged to simplify government communications: "I will dedicate my presidency to restoring the clarity with which our government speaks."

The Prez

When the press questioned Clinton about the Democratic National Committee's suspicious fund-raising activities tied to John Huang and Indonesian financier James Riady, the president compared himself to Richard Jewell, the security guard falsely accused of planting the bomb at the Atlanta Olympics: "One of the things I would urge you to do, remembering what happened to Mr. Jewell in Atlanta, remembering what has happened to so many of the accusations over the last four years made against me that turned out to be totally baseless ... we ought to just get the facts out and they should be reported."

* During his November trip to Australia, Clinton was asked about the latest scandal to rock the White House -- alleged CIA double agent Harold J. Nicholson, who gave lists of American spies to Russia in exchange for cash. The president's reply: "We don't want any people in our intelligence agency spying for other countries."

* When New York Times columnist William Safire referred to the first lady as a "congenital liar," a wild-eyed White House press secretary Mike McCurry came back with an unveiled threat: "If the president were not the president, he would have delivered a more forceful response to the bridge of Safire's nose."

The Press

"The obvious explanation for the return of the bad-seed alien is that after the end of the Cold War, we needed an implacable enemy and an evil empire on which to project our fearful fantasies. But I wonder whether it isn't really another form of the current vogue for immigrant bashing? After all, illegal aliens come from, of course, the Third World, wetbacks from black holes." -- John Leonard, CBS Sunday morning television critic, on trends in science fiction.