That's the spirit - Brief Article

As a child I was an altar boy. That meant I got to wear fabulous red robes with fine white lace overlay. I grew up in communist Cuba, where toys were few and there was little worth watching on TV. The upside to that was that I grew up reading and developed a lifelong love affair with books. My earliest heroes--besides Tarzan--were the Catholic saints; their lives, which I read about, inspired me. I believed they had achieved the highest purpose to which humans could aspire, particularly if they had given up their lives for God.

In those days there was real danger in going to church, and every Sunday my parents--spiritual revolutionaries in their own right--would dress all us children alike and cart us off to church--very Sound of Music. I remember sitting up on the elevated dais in my altar-boy drag, looking down at the congregation and having a fantasy that the Communists would invade the cathedral. Valiantly I would hurl my body in front of the Eucharist and be riddled by bullets, and having thus protected the host, I would become a martyr.

Thankfully, I no longer entertain martyr fantasies. But memories like this have helped me to realize that from an early age I entertained a desire to serve God (as I understood it then) and humanity--to make a difference in this world. But as a tormented and confused teen--and like many gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people--I felt compelled to reject a religion that had no room for me and that condemned me to eternal damnation. Like too many of us, I tragically threw out the baby with the baptismal water, unable to reconcile my spiritual urges with my budding but powerful sexuality.

Angry at God and church, I rejected anything that smacked of religion or spirituality. I wanted nothing to do with a deity that allowed such needless pain and suffering to occur, not only in my own case but in those of the countless millions of people--gay or straight--who have gone to their deaths feeling less than they were or feeling like sinners or like they failed because of mistaken, misinterpreted, and mistranslated moral teachings.

My family immigrated to the States when I was still a child (my parents' ninth child was born in exile), and by my mid 20s I was living in Miami's South Beach. I had a condo on the water, a sporty car, a beautiful lover, Armani suits, original art on my walls. I was sought after socially and professionally. My life was enviable in many ways. Yet the more I had, the more I felt there was something missing. The thought that there has to be more to life would not leave me in peace.

At age 29, I walked out of my cushy life and embarked on a personal journey to rediscover my own spirituality--my own connection to the divine. In the process I also rediscovered service--making a difference in this world--and through that the expanding hole in my gut began to fill itself. Having reestablished a connection to my essential nature, my life regained meaning.

In the ensuing years I learned how, throughout history and across many cultures, people we today call gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered not only were spiritually inclined but in many cases fulfilled honored roles of spiritual leadership. I was astounded to find that my GLBT ancestors had been shamans and visionaries; mediators and healers; priests, priestesses, and spiritual activists; pioneers of consciousness and keepers of beauty. This eye-opening research led me to found Q-Spirit, an international network of GLBT people in spirituality.

It is now crucial for gays and lesbians to reclaim our spiritual heritage, to find ways of expressing it that are matches for who we are. Some will find a place for themselves within established religions while others will strike out on their own, establishing their own spiritual connections. Whatever we do, it is important to go within, to rediscover, to reconnect. As we consciously reclaim and reinvent the archetypal roles we have always played, we will find personal fulfillment, our healing process will be expedited, and the ripple effects will be felt throughout the world.

De la Huerta is the author of Coming Out Spiritually (Tarcher/Putnam) and the host of Spirit Wave, a weekly Internet radio show. Find out more about Q-Spirit at www.advocate.com.

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