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Advocate, The, Sept 27, 2005 by D.W. Cole, Kenneth D. George, Alexander J. Haiken
I really appreciate your August 30 story "Brainwashed No More" for helping expose the dangers of "reparative therapy." My personal experience with over six years of reparative therapy was a cycle of guilt, shame, brainwashing, and fear--these are not qualities associated with successful psychological counseling. I have counseled with some of the best reparative groups in the nation: Exodus, Love in Action, Desert Stream, and Joseph Nicolosi's group of counselors (the guru of reparative therapy). All these groups and their methods are very dangerous. I have met hundreds of gay people in these programs, and I know of not one person who was really "cured or changed." Yes, for a short period of time it is possible to repress homosexual feelings, but over the long haul, not one person really changed. It is true that reparative therapy groups claim people are cured: They stay married or get married, become celibate, and all repress their feelings. But no one really changes. This is the dirty little secret of reparative therapy.
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I could have been the poster child of the "ex-gay" movement. I was married for almost 20 years and fathered two sons. But I knew on the inside that I had not changed; the attraction to men was still there. Coming to almost a breaking point, I had to admit I was truly gay and not going to change. I finally realized that reparative therapy was all smoke and mirrors. I am glad to report that I am now in a happy and stable relationship of four years.
D.W. COLE Columbia, Mo.
In the article "Brainwashed No More" the author discusses the various "programs that promise to turn gay men and lesbians straight." She also states that these programs "have existed for more than two decades." In reality, these programs have existed for more than a hundred years. Are these programs successful? The answer to this question depends on the definition of "being gay." The answer is yes if being gay is defined only in terms of sexual behavior--what we do with our genitals. The answer is clearly no if being gay is defined as sexual attraction and falling in love with someone of the same gender. These ex-gay programs may create gay men and lesbians who have lost their ability or desire to have sex; however, there is no reported evidence that these programs change sexual attraction or step gay men and lesbians from falling in love with someone of the same gender.
Sometime in our lives we will fall in love, and we should be able to have sex with the person we love. Love, sex, and relationships are important to a healthy and happy life. This right should never be taken away from us.
KENNETH D. GEORGE Port St. Lucie, Fla.
With several decades of ex-gay history now behind us we can say with much greater confidence that efforts to change one's sexual orientation through whatever means fail. Review after review of the research on efforts to change orientation concludes there is no evidence indicating such treatments are effective. Attempts to change one's orientation are rejected by nearly all respected, credible medical and mental heath experts.
Christian ex-gay ministries have also had a go at this. But most are now either defunct, abandoned by their ex-ex-gay founders, or increasingly emphasize celibacy, rather than heterosexuality, as the goal. Reading their literature reveals the admitted same-sex "temptations" their followers still struggle with, and their fine print almost universally acknowledges it's a lifelong struggle." The changes we've witnessed in ex-gay ministries over the past 30 years have been in claims and personnel, not in sexual orientation.
ALEXANDER J. HAIKEN New York, N.Y.
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