Raw reviews: MF's Matt Coppa critiques the latest in home entertainment, . The country's ruffest critic, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, also pipes in with his poop-culture faves

Men's Fitness, Nov, 2004 by Matt Coppa

DVDs

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Coppa: Joel (Jim Carrey) and Clementine (Kate Winslet) get their minds erased to forget their failed romance--and then weird stuff ensues, While the unlikely premise requires the suspension of disbelief, this mind-boggling comedy is worth it.

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BEST OF TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG

Triumph: It's got lots of laughs and plenty of sex. I should mention that I look a little different on some of the older clips--I've had some work done. The guy that did Melanie Griffith's lips did my scrotum.

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THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW

Coppa: That damn global warming rears its ugly head and bitch-slaps the earth as overnight storms envelop half the world in ice. A fun popcorn flick short on science but high on intense CGI effects.

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IDITAROD GANG BANG, VOL. 2

Triumph: It still holds up. Also, the new Lassie collection is great for licking yourself to. What a rack on that bitch. Of course, there's also the Late Night with Cohen O'Brien 10th Anniversary Special. I keed. Conan putting out a "Best of" DVD? That's like me bottling the steam off my poop!

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VIDEO GAMES

KILLZONE (PS2)

Coppa: Inspired by classic military engagements--including Vietnam and World War I--Killzone has you fighting the fascist-inspired Helghast, tooth, nail, and perhaps most significantly, gun. The eerily dark graphics and intense gameplay result in the best first-person shooter ever to appear on PS2.

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GRAND THEFT AUTO: VC (PC, PS2, XBOX)

Triumph: Video games? I've got no thumbs! Seriously, though, GTA: Vice City has an unbelievable combination of cars to chase and whores to bang.

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ESPN NBA 2K5 (XBOX, PS2)

Coppa: Continuing with this year's vastly improved ESPN series of games, NBA 2K5 is more than worth the $20 price tag. Its new gameplay system has each baller react differently based on physical makeup and ability. The crisp and realistic graphics make you feel like you're actually running up and down the hardwood.

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SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (GENESIS)

Triumph: My 281 illegitimate kids still love Sonic the Hedgehog, though he's a Cher-coiffed rodent and thus a questionable role model. I keed!

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CDs

THE CLASH LONDON CALLING LEGACY EDITION

Coppa: The Brit punk gods' landmark album has turned 25. The legacy edition has two CDs and a DVD that features footage from 1979. Disc 1 has the original classic tracks, including the fury of "The Guns of Brixton," The second contains five never-released tracks found in guitarist Mick Jones' garage. The best of the five is the bluesy "The Man in Me."

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ENRIQUE IGLESIAS

SEVEN

Triumph: You know, I really enjoyed Enrique Iglesias' last CD. But then again, I eat my own crap. Enrique doesn't have that huge mole on his face anymore. I guess it got a little embarrassing--so the mole asked to be removed.

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MOS DEF

THE NEW DANGER

Coppa: The Brooklyn native set a new standard for hip-hop by bridging genres from rap to jazz to R&B with his solo debut album, Black on Both Sides. His latest, The New Danger, takes on everything from social issues ("Bed Stuy Funeral March") to party jams ("Lap Dance").

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TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG COME POOP WITH ME

Triumph: It's a nod to my old friend Frank Sinatra. Back in the old Vegas days, we enjoyed four-ways with Angie Dickinson and Miss Piggy. (Kermit's lucky he's an amphibian: When you go down on Piggy, you need to hold your breath.) My album also features the rap song "I Keed." That's right, I have the rap cred. The streets feel me, bro. Every morning around nine, they feel me (earlier, if I've had fruit).

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