Say the right thing: whether you're single or involved, here's how to be a silver-tongued devil and heat her up—or cool her down—in seven important circumstances - Sexuality

As every male discovers around the time he first learns to talk, what you say to women can have a major impact on your happiness. The right words at the right time can get you into some good situations, and out of some really bad ones. We asked a few of the wiser ladies we know to explain why speaking well can turn a woman on or cool her off, then added color commentary from communication and relationships expert Leil Lowndes, author of Conversation Confidence and How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You.

THE ENTRY LINE

Situation: You find yourself next to an attractive woman on a bus or train, or on line at the checkout counter, and you want to, urn, get to know her better.

You don't say:

* "Hey there, red-hot mama!"

* "I must be in heaven. I've just seen an angel."

* "Ever do it on a classic Star Wars comforter?"

Try saying:

* "How do you like that [purchase or book she's holding]?"

* "That's a beautiful necklace.... I think my sister would like one. Can I ask you where you got it?"

* "If this line moves any more slowly, maybe we should send out for pizza."

What's the deal? "I'm very wary of strangers who approach me in public," says Sarah, a tall 29-year-old New York City public relations associate. "If there's any chance he's going to embarrass me or harass me or whatever, I'll just move away as fast as possible." This is one area where nice guys finish first, she adds: "If someone just strikes up a conversation and is smiling and friendly, I may join in just to save myself from boredom."

The expert adds: "Don't say anything that sounds like a line--what you want is to get a dialogue going. In fact, studies have found that what you say doesn't matter nearly as much as how you look and how you sound."

JOINING IN THE CLUB

Situation: You see a woman at a bar or nightclub and want to get to know her better.

You don't say:

* "Do I know you?"

* "What time is it?"

* "This place sucks. Want to get out of here?"

Try saying:

* "Hi, I'm [name]. Want to dance?"

* "I've been invited to the VIP room, but I don't want to go by myself. Want to join me?"

* "They say you can tell a lot about a person by what they're drinking. Want to know what yours says about you?" (If she says yes, say something complimentary and funny. If she says no, move on.)

What's the deal? "At a club, everybody's trying to hook up," Sarah says. "There's no point in trying to hide it. Just be direct, and I'll decide if I'm interested."

The expert adds: "Think of it as an audition--you want to show her that you have some intelligence and wit, and that you're not just hitting on everybody in the room. Having status doesn't hurt, either."

INTO THE BEDROOM

Situation: You're invited into her apartment after a date, and you want to get her from the living room to the bedroom.

You don't say:

* "So, when's breakfast?"

* "I have to get up early, so let's get to it."

* "Got any porn?"

Try saying:

* "Your place is nice. Do I get a tour?"

* "I'm having a great time with you."

* "I took a massage class last year.

Would you like a back rub?"

What's the deal? You probably have a shot, but it could still go either way. "Sometimes I just want to see how a guy handles himself in an intimate situation before it gets too intimate," says Elaine, a 26-year-old grad student in L.A. "It shouldn't be too obvious--if we do end up in bed, I want it to at least seem as if it happened naturally."

The expert adds: "Every woman wants to feel special, so say something that honestly expresses how unique you think she is."

YOUR SECRET HISTORY

Situation: She asks you how many other women you've been with.

You don't say:

* "Why? How many men have you been with?"

* "Forty-seven, counting you."

* "Two, counting you."

Try saying:

* "You really want to know? It's [the actual number, as long as it's more than three and less than 20]."

* "Not that many. I've mostly been in long-term relationships."

* "Let's not talk about that. The important thing is that I'm here with you."

What's the deal? The key is to answer what she's really asking. "If I bring up the `numbers' question, it's mostly because I want to make sure he's really interested in me, not just adding to his list," says Andrea, a 30-year-old Seattle waitress. She may also be concerned about her risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease from someone who's been around the block too much.

The expert adds: "It's important to maintain a bit of mystery. She may enjoy thinking of you as a `bad boy,' but she really doesn't want to hear you talking about other relationships."

THE TRICK QUESTION

Situation: Your steady girlfriend models a dress and says, "How does this look on me?"

You don't say:

* "You look great in everything."

* "It doesn't fit very well around the rear, does it?"

* "Let's go already!"

Try saying:

* "You look amazing." (Only if you really think so.)

* "Frankly, it doesn't really do your body justice." (If you think this one hangs on her like an onion sack.)