How to pick a great Christmas tree - Abstract - Buyers Guide

Men's Fitness, Dec, 1998

Some pick a great Christmas tree Some people rush out to the woods the day after Thanksgiving, saw in hand, to bag the perfect Christmas tree. Others wait until 11 p.m. on Christmas Eve before heading to the parking lot of some boarded-up bank to pick through piles of dried coniferous carcasses at Krazy Kringle's Tree-'n'-Tinsel Towne. The rest of us fall somewhere in the middle.

No matter when or how you do it, hunting for a Christmas tree can be a nostalgic, warm-'n'-fuzzy experience - or a stress-inducing nightmare whose specter will haunt your holidays for years to come. To make your tree-hunt more Norman Rockwell than Norman Bates, keep these guidelines in mind.

Measure twice, cut once: Size, as always, counts - but not if the damn thing won't fit in your living room. Start by measuring the area where you plan to display the tree. Measure the ceiling height, then subtract one foot to allow for the stand. The result is your maximum tree height. Don't forget to measure horizontal space, too, allowing "breathing room" for furniture and foot traffic. Then - duh - take the tape measure along to the tree lot or farm: Trees, like stray mutts, tend to look bigger once you get them home.

Make sure it's fresh: Freshness isn't an issue out in the woods or at choose-and-chop operations, but a cut tree on a commercial lot may have been sitting around for weeks. Most cut trees are harvested between November 10 and Thanksgiving, according to Pam Helmsing, assistant director of the National Christmas Tree Association, but the only way to determine a tree's freshness is to test it yourself: Run your fingers over a branch - the needles should bend but not break. If they fall off faster than politicians vacating a brothel during a vice bust, move on to another tree. (It's normal for trees to have some accumulation of sloughed-off needles in the inner branches, however - even live trees shed old needles as new ones grow in.)

Hug a tree: When you find a tree that strikes your fancy, pick it up and shake it to let any bunched-up branches settle into their natural formation. Then look closely at the free: Is there enough space between the branches for your Simpsons character ornaments to hang comfortably? Are the branches fairly balanced, or is the tree flat on one side? (A flat side may actually help if you're planning on placing it close to a wall.)

Haggle: You know how. (Hint No. 1: Casually mention how this will probably be little Timmy's last Christmas and this is just the right tree for his hospital room. Brings out the Santa in the most hardened tree-lot guy. Hint No. 2: Don't go back to the same lot next year.)

Wrap that rascal: Before you lash your prey atop your car, have the seller wrap it in netting. A netted tree is far easier to fit through the door once you get home. (While you're maneuvering it into the house, remember that swearing in front of the kids will spoil your wife's Christmasy mood - and ruin any chances of a little holly-jolly that evening under the newly set-up tree.)

Take a little off the bottom: Grab a saw - sober, please - and slice a half-inch or so off the tree's base, then put it in a bucket with plenty of water. (Trees can absorb as much as a gallon of water in the first 24 hours, Helmsing says.) Then put the kids to bed, mix up some eggnog and invite Mrs. Claus to help you hang the mistletoe.