Reviews on Roids! The reviews, not the reviewer

Men's Fitness, Jan, 2004 by Jake Bronstein, Chris Baker, Amelia McDonnell-Parry

Why get pencil-necked geeks to review the latest and greatest in home entertainment when we could get Lou "Don't Make Me Mad" Ferrigno to hulk out to it? Even better we let 'em both fight it out.

MUSIC

IGGY POP Skull Ring Virgin

THE GEEKS SAY: Iggy keeps it relevant with a little help from techno-tramp Peaches, punk-poppers Sum-41, and Green Day. The result is some of the Iggster's best work since he and the Stooges announced that their lust for life made them want to be our dog--JAKE BRONSTEIN

LOU SAYS: I'm kind of losing my hearing, but even though it's hard for me to hear, I like the high, stimulating tones.

****

THE THRILLS So Much for the City Virgin

THE GEEKS SAY: Who would've thought the Cali-Rock Album of the Year would come from a Dublin quartet? But here it is. One part Beach Boys, one part Neil Young, songs like "Hollywood Kids" and "Let's Go to San Diego" are the best things to come from Ireland since Guinness.--JB

LOU SAYS: It's good music to take a nap in the afternoon ... relax the body and everything. It's fun, but would not be good for working out.

***

CHROMEO She's in Control VICE

THE GEEKS SAY: The same geniuses that spotted The Streets found these two Montreal natives who mix memorable hooks and '80s-style guitar solos to form a sort of thugged-out Hall & Oates sound.--JB

LOU SAYS: This makes me want to put the sunglasses on and do some presses at Gold's and just smile. It's upbeat--I like that. Did I mention I can bench close to 400? Yeah, I used to do 560.

****

GAMES

AMPED 2 Xbox

THE GEEKS SAY: In this snowboard game, your goal is to bust moves that impress the sports photographers and color commentators. This sequel has more tricks, a 300-song soundtrack, and several of the most beautifully detailed slopes ever.--CHRIS BAKER

LOU SAYS: I've always been nervous about snowboarding because of my career in bodybuilding. If I get hurt, I can't compete. But this is great. It reminds me of Aspen.

*****

TOP SPIN Xbox

THE GEEKS SAY: "Avoid missing ball for high score." Those were the complete instructions for the arcade classic Pong, and this tennis game has the same beautiful simplicity. But surprisingly deep nuances quickly emerge--after a volley, you can choose to react with sportsmanlike conduct or throw a hissy fit.--CB

LOU SAYS: These players remind me of me. They're very intense, they don't like to lose, and you can see it affects their play.

****

LINKS 2004 Xbox

THE GEEKS SAY: This golf simulator is as close as you can get to real golf without paying green fees. The real-time swing demands precision, and the courses (Greywolf, Four Seasons Resort Aviara) are detailed and realistic.--CB

LOU SAYS: Golf is a very boring sport. I took a couple of lessons, but it's very time consuming. There's not much action here.

**

DVDS

28 Days Later

THE GEEKS SAY: A poor Brit gets in a car wreck, wakes up 28 days later, and finds everyone has an infection that makes them man-eating zombies. All three endings are here.--AMELIA McDONNELL-PARRY

LOU SAYS: I don't even know what I'm looking at. It looks like a low-budget horror movie, and I don't like this much bloodshed. But if I did, this looks cool.

****

Hulk

THE GEEKS SAY: Ang Lee's adaptation of the Marvel Comics classic leaves something to be desired. But a "making of" and tons of deleted scenes make it almost watchable.--AMP

LOU SAYS: I don't like this Hulk--it's all digital. Not at all sympathetic, like what we did on the series.

*

The Matrix Reloaded

THE GEEKS SAY: Keanu & Co. return to fight in one of the most confusing story lines of all time. Extras include: the making of "The Freeway Chase" scene and The Animatrix, an anime spin on the film.--AMP

LOU SAYS: The special effects are incredible, especially the freeway chase. I liked seeing how they made it.

***

RATINGS SYSTEM (Based on the geeks' and Lou's combined opinions)

* Avoid at all costs Lame like Banner

** OK It worked us up

*** Good Pulse-quickening, rage-building

**** Great We're turning green

***** A must buy Hulk out!