Men's Fitness: Street protein: feed the machine and prevent muscle breakdown with these easy-to-find, cost-efficient alternative protein sources

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Street protein: feed the machine and prevent muscle breakdown with these easy-to-find, cost-efficient alternative protein sources

Allan Donnelly

There comes a time in nearly every guy's life when he finds himself a little short on time or money. Or both. If you're not careful, the first thing that will suffer--besides your sex life--is your diet. Wolfing down 150 to 200 grams of protein per day isn't easy, nor is it inexpensive. As such, sometimes you're forced to take it where you can get it. Since we'd hate to sit back while you watch your hard-earned muscle go to waste, we're ready to offer a helping hand.

We've taken the extreme step of producing the MEN'S FITNESS Guide to Street Protein. Whether you bag the following fare with your hands, your car, or the soles of your size 10 1/2s, the protein these critters provide can go a long way toward helping to minimize muscle breakdown. True, you won't find these foods in your local supermarket. It will take some work, of course, but if you can find 'em, your wallet will thank you. Your stomach, however, might feel differently.

COLUMBA LIVIA (PIGEON)

Where to find it: On top, underneath, and around park benches.

Now to catch it: Put on your friendliest face and seduce with breadcrumbs or crumbled crackers. Wear a pair of military-issue boots.

Now to clean it: Remove feathers, pry breastbone out with thumb. Wash hands with hot, soapy water.

How to cook it: Spear with sharp stick and rotate over open fire.

Nutritional facts: 250 calories, 16 grams protein, 20 grams fat.

Supermarket alternative: Cornish game hen.

Tastes like: Chicken.

SCIURUS CAROLINENSIS (SQUIRREL)

Where to find it: Trees, power lines, on the sides of country roads.

How to catch it: Accelerate as necessary while obeying local speed limits. Do not swerve into oncoming traffic.

How to clean it: Wearing gloves, conceal skinning knife and tell wife to take the kids to the movies. Remove fur and skin with said knife. Put away all Rocky and Bullwinkle tapes until further notice.

How to cook it: Spear with sharp stick and rotate over open fire.

Nutritional facts: 102 calories, 18 grams protein, 3 grams fat.

Supermarket alternative: Pork chops. Tastes like: Chicken.

RATTUS RATUS (RAT)

Where to find it: Sewers, trash cans, abandoned buildings, witness-protection programs.

How to catch it: Brandish a blunt object.

How to clean it: With care.

How to cook it: Spear with sharp stick and rotate over open fire.

Nutritional facts: 175 calories, 13 grams protein, 8 grams fat.

Supermarket alternative: Unknown.

Tastes like: Bad chicken.