The MF mistress: Sarah Hedley, your girl on the side, explains the ins and outs of the workout that matters most

Men's Fitness, Feb, 2004

I was enjoying some personal time in the shower when my girlfriend caught me. You'd think I was killing a bunny from the freak-out she had. She said I was cheating on her. Was I?

--SCOTT, TEMPE, AZ

Nope Your girlfriend is obviously insecure. Act like you've got something to be ashamed of, and she'll think she was right all along. Be proud of your manhandling and tell her honestly how good it feels to you. Men who masturbate regularly make better lovers, are less likely to suffer from prostate cancer, live longer, and have the greatest stamina. Encourage her to do the same, or better still, if she feels left out, do it together, Scott.

I just got married. The day was nice, but the honeymoon was a letdown. I was told that sex would get better after I bought the cow. What gives?

--PAUL, FORT COLLINS, CO

Sex can improve and take a more diverse and experimental route within the security of long-term commitment, particularly once a woman trusts you enough to let her hair down. But it isn't written in stone. You have to hustle your way to wild times. Start small and work your way up. Try investing in a female-friendly sex manual and suggest that you and your betrothed sample different tips each night. Next, introduce some couple-focused adult films to inspire new moves. But most important, remember that romance is foreplay "for many women, especially on their honeymoon. It's sounds like you may have forgotten that.

My wife isn't into trimming her area downstairs, but she said she would if I did the same. Your thoughts?

--BLAIR, LOS ANGELES, CA

I think it's a marvelous idea. Your manhood will look much bigger if you cut back the surrounding plumage. If you're worried that bikini-line maintenance will reduce your underlying sense of masculinity, don't be. Unless you also start to fashion your fur into a heart shape, you should be in the clear.

I know some women fake orgasms and others don't. But what are some of the signs I should be looking for when trying to call her bluff?

--MILTON, LEES SUMMIT, MO

Some women's climaxes can be silent and deadly, while others are loud but nonexistent, so volume--contrary to Meg Ryan's performance in When Harry Met Sally--has nothing to do with it. Less-obvious physical signs that orgasm--or at the very least, arousal--has occurred include the swelling of the breasts, nipple erections, a sex flush usually seen as a reddening across the chest and throat, and telltale muscular contractions in the pelvic floor. These happen 3-15 times during orgasm, and you may feel a slight gripping sensation around your old man when they do. Alternatively, you could just ask, but if women were that straightforward, you wouldn't be writing me. Bottom line: If she invites you back for an encore performance, rest assured you're doing something right.

Have Sarah sort you out. Send your questions to MF Mistress, c/o Men's Fitness, 1 Park Ave., 3rd Floor, New York, NY 10016.