The skinny on skivvies

EACH YEAR, FASHION designers roll out their ultra-high-end couture lines (you know, the over-the-top, meant-for-god-knows-who clothes), generating great fanfare. Traditionally, their men's underwear designs get far less attention. But that's not going to be the case this year. At least it shouldn't be. This season's offerings are more colorful, more functional, and more comfortable than ever before. In fact, having previewed the latest crop currently en route to department-store shelves, we suggest underwear be your new outerwear for under the covers, intimate encounters, and indoor excursions. Not since the invention of the Underoos of our youth have we been so excited about getting into a new pair of drawers. Here are a few things you need to keep in mind ...

BOXERS ARE HISTORY

We understand--the first time you bounced around in a pair of boxers, you felt like a big boy. But by now you should see them for what they are: antiquated pants liners. The room allotted for your butt is far too spacious, leaving a saggy pouch most men can't fill. Simply put--real men don't wear boxers. Girls do. And they look cute in them. So don't throw yours out; give them to your girl. Or just retire them.

SIZING IS PARAMOUNT

Obviously, when buying T-shirts. you go lot an XL. Maybe even an XXL 'cause that's the way you like them to fit. But don't be afraid to buy a large, medium, or even small when purchasing a wrapper for your lower half. There's no need to be embarrassed; small is designed for a 28- to 32-inch waist. Anything larger than a perfect fit and your little man will be left bouncing from side to side. Ouch.

WASH REGULARLY

What this means is, when you stumble in drunk, drop your clothes bedside, then recycle in the morning on your way to breakfast--yesterday's skivvies shouldn't be part of the uniform. Replay them too many days in a row and you'll be stuck with an itch you won't appreciate. And yes, others will notice.

REPLACE TWICE A YEAR

It's nice to have heirlooms that can be passed from one generation to the next ... makes you feel connected to your legacy. But this ain't that kind of thing. Your pantaloons, no matter how lucky you got in them, or how many compliments your mate bestowed upon you while you wore them, should be limited to a six-month run. In fact, the day holes begin forming in them--the little ones come from the dryer, nothing to fear--they need to go bye-bye.