Maybe you shouldn't think about baseball

Q Recently, I have had a hard time concentrating during sex. Even if I initiate bedplay with my girlfriend and am adequately aroused, my desire deflates like a balloon with a slow leak. This has never happened before. My girlfriend has been tolerant because the rest of our relationship is so good, but she's only human. Can you help?

A YOUR PLIGHT IS A PERFECT example of how the brain can overrule the body's urges. When your mind meanders, sexual energy disperses. To overcome this performance glitch, look for themes among your distractions. Are you nagged by problems at work? Is anxiety about your relationship's future intruding on erotic pleasures? Confronting these issues when you're vertical prevents them from butting in when you're horizontal. Also consider: Is your good relationship growing frightfully great? Sometimes the winning combination of hot sex and true love can be downright scary.

INSTEAD OF OVERTLY sabotaging the relationship, you could be indirectly messing with it by drifting off during lovemaking. If so, facing your hidden motives for distancing yourself will put you hack on track. In the meantime, practice the following steps to help you stay engaged during sex.

* Let arousal build higher before the beast with two backs begins. Men often need more intense excitement than they realize to sustain their edge.

* Sprinkle hot talk throughout sex. Share fantasies and nasty words that keep you rigid and your partner breathing heavy.

* Gaze into your honey's eyes during intercourse. Watch the thrall of excitement on her face. You'll be surprised at the power of an unmasked, eyes-open connection.

* Increase your sexual stimulation. Ask your partner to massage your nipples, your jewels, or, if you know it won't lead to flaccidity, your backside.

* Introduce novelty. Varied positions, toys, light bondage and sexy role-playing games ("Honey, you want I should wear the tool belt?") will help you stay tuned in as well as prove that you can satisfy your sweetie even if your wand wanes.

FOR MANY MEN, anxiety over the prospect of losing their starch hinders their performance. The "phallacy" that you're no good without wood contributes to this self-fulfilling-prophecy cycle. When you're confident you can please your partner with lips, fingers, even toys, you become less penis-dependent, thus less anxious. Don't be shy about options; the more you have, the easier it will be to stay focused--and standing at attention.