"Say hello to my little friend": movie lines to live by: weasel your way in and out of any situation by reciting some of the greatest lines in the history of film

Men's Fitness, March, 2004 by Sean Hyson

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the woman." Never before have 30 words made more sense. Thank you, Tony Montana. What never makes sense, however, is when to use such movie classics in everyday conversation. Until now. The following are the put-downs, catchphrases, and philosophies every red-blooded American male should know. Now you, too, can talk your way into some action, "you cock-o-roach"!

PERFORM A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS "Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happened to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period, so I don't wanna kill you. I wanna help you."--JULES WINFIELD (SAMUEL L. JACKSON), PULP FICTION

Shame the guy in the next cubicle "Put that coffee down. Coffee is for closers. I don't see any closers here."--BLAKE (ALEC BALDWIN), GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS

Reply to an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect your bill "You're an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill."--COL. WALTER E. KURTZ (MARLON BRANDO), APOCALYPSE NOW

Plan your next party "I suggest kegs, multiple, cold, and domestic."--DROZ (JEREMY PIVEN), PCU

Bust on the IT guy "What are you looking at, nerd?"--STAN GABLE (TED McGINLEY), REVENGE OF THE NERDS

Retort if you are the IT guy "I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche bag, but that's in Ohio."--BOOGER (CURTIS ARMSTRONG), REVENGE OF THE NERDS

Get deep "Who's the more foolish--the fool or the fool who follows him?"--OBI-WAN KENOBI (ALEC GUINNESS), STAR WARS

Get deeper "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."--VERBAL KINT (KEVIN

Play stupid "So why don't you make like a tree and get outta here."--BIFF TANNEN (THOMAS F. WILSON), BACK TO THE FUTURE

Inspire a young nerd "What are you doin' here? You oughta be out in a convertible, bird-doggin' chicks and bangin' beaver."--R.P. McMURPHY (JACK NICHOLSON), ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST

Impress a pretentious woman "My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!"--JAMES BOND (SEAN CONNERY), GOLDFINGER

Embarrass your grandpa "Here's an idea: When you tell these little stories, have a point! It makes it SO much easier for the listener!"--NEAL PAGE (STEVE MARTIN), PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES

Invent a new Taco Bell slogan "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!"--MICKEY (BURGESS MEREDITH), ROCKY

Address the board members "I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin' iceholes ... like yourselves."--ROMAN MORONIE (RICHARD DIMITRI), JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY

Shame your mobster friends "Now go home and get your fucking shine box." --BILLY BATTS (FRANK VINCENT), GOODFELLAS

Answer for when somebody asks you, "What now?" "What now? Well, let me tell you what now. I'm gonna call a couple of pipe-hittin' n***** who'll go to work on holmes here with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'm gonna get medieval on your ass."--MARCELLUS WALLACE (VING RHAMES), PULP FICTION

Impress a working girl. In Tijuana. "What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, tiger."--LANDLADY (LIN SHAYE), KINGPIN

Scare young children "I want to kill everyone. Satan is good, Satan is our pal."--ART WEINGARTNER (RIC DUCOMMUN), THE "BURBS

Give advice from your deathbed "I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless, but not men." DON CORLEONE (MARLON BRANDO), THE GODFATHER

Perfect a seasonal put-down "It ain't cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving."--EVEN BIGGER BLACK GUY (JAMES D. TURNER), TRADING PLACES

Hide fear behind intelligence "Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought."--DR. EGON SPENGLER (HAROLD RAMIS), GHOSTBUSTERS

Insult someone stupid "It's such a fine line between stupid and clever." --DAVID ST. HUBBINS (MICHAEL McKEAN), THIS IS PINAL TAP

Address somebody who is talking like a bitch "You keep talkin' like a bitch, and I'm gonna slap you like a bitch."--MR. BLONDE (MICHAEL MADSEN), RESERVOIR DOGS

Take a stance "Life is like a mop. Sometimes life gets full of dirt and crud and hairballs and things, and you gotta clean it out. You gotta stick it in here and rinse it off and start all over again. You gotta run to a window and say, "These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take it any more!'"--STANLEY SPADOWSKI (MICHAEL RICHARDS), UHF

Intimidate customer-service representatives "If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that, he'll tell you if he wears ladies' underwear. I'm hungry. Let's get a taco."--MR. WHITE (HARVEY KEITEL), RESERVOIR DOGS