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Size doesn't always matter - Dr. Joy - size of penis in sexual intercourse

Men's Fitness, May, 2003 by Joy Davidson

I'm about to be married to a beautiful woman. Unfortunately, I am not very well-endowed, and I fear this will hurt our sex life. My wife-to-be assures me that it won't be a problem; since she's a virgin, I feel she's being naive. Although other women haven't complained about my size, I'm worried that I won't "measure up" in my future wife's eyes. What can I do?

LET ME BE BRUTALLY frank. Some women do enjoy the feeling of being "filled up" during intercourse. In the same vein, some like the visual aspect presented by a man who is well-endowed, or sports a belly sculpted into a muscular six-pack, or has shoulders shaped like steel cantaloupes. But just as your bride-to-be would love you even if you were a little soft around the middle, she'll continue to love you even if you're built a little smaller below the belt than the average.

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NO WOMAN WITH any common sense equates size with masculinity; that's largely a guy thing. To most women, manliness is a reflection of character, not anatomy. So scrap your devils of doubt and focus on what counts: your ability to give your partner pleasure. Here, the size of your imagination is king.

MYTHS ABOUT SIZE abound, but the truth is even more unfair: A man's pleasure beast is poorly designed for satisfying the anatomical requirements of most women. Lips, hands and fingers, in fact, are far superior tools for manipulating our hot spots. The clitoris--the source of a woman's most reliable orgasms--begs for gentle nuances of touch. The G-spot--our internal fount of ecstasy--is best worked via finger stroking and intense pressure. At best, your fibrovascular bundle is, strictly speaking, a backup implement for these purposes. Fortunately, the G-spot is only a few inches inside the vagina; thus you don't need a large tool to infiltrate this sensitive sanctuary. Note, however, that a woman does need to be highly aroused, and the G-spot well engorged with blood (which calls for plenty of foreplay), before she cries "G-whiz!" from intense digital manipulation--and I'm not talking about CD players here.

AS A COMPLEMENT to the advances of 21st-century technology, get a copy of The Multi-Orgasmic Couple by the husband and wife teams of Chia and Abrams. Their lessons in ancient Taoist secrets of love are based on thousands of years of studying the diverse sexual natures of men and women. You might also check out my new book, How to be a Babe: Overcome Your Romantic Obsessions and Other Obstacles to Having the Sex Life You Deserve. This is a good way to help your fiancee (and you) discover how vast the range of your sexual pleasures can be. Just think, you don't have to wait until she's ready for intercourse to perform on the flying trapeze. As the saying goes, 80 percent of lovemaking really does depend on the organ between your ears.

(Both books suggested by Dr. Joy are available at Barnes & Nobles, Borders and other bookstores. See "The Compleat Angler," page 26, which expands on Dr. Joy's answer.)

Selected questions are answered by Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a licensed therapist and sex educator. Send your questions to Ask Dr. Joy, c/o MEN'S FITNESS, 21100 Erwin St., Woodland Hills, CA 91367, or e-mail drjoy@weiderpub.com.

Size doesn't always matter - Dr. Joy - size of penis in sexual intercourse

Men's Fitness, May, 2003 by Joy Davidson

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