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Break out of your sex slump; seven ways to conquer a lagging libido - Sexuality

Men's Fitness, June, 2002 by J.L. Sullivan

Hey, it happens. Not long ago you were like a hyena in heat, wowing your baby with sweet, sweet lovin' all night long. But tonight you'd rather spend the evening in your Barcalounger watching Letterman--and it's a rerun. What happened? You, friend, are in a sexual slump. Like a .340 hitter who hasn't touched the ball since spring training, you're experiencing a reversal that you can only hope is temporary. And wondering whether you're ever going to get the magic back will just make it worse.

How do you rediscover the sexual gargantuan that once was you? Just follow our seven-step plan.

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1 Remake yourselves. One of the triggers of sexual desire is novelty. If this isn't obvious to you from your experience being a guy, consider some evidence from the Journal of Neuroscience: When male rats finished having sex with a female, they became satiated and sluggish, probably yearning for the rodent equivalent of a pizza and a nap. But if they were immediately given a new, willing partner, their brains started pumping out more sex chemicals, and all of a sudden the little guys were rarin' to go again.

Now, for single people, the solution here is simple: Find a new, sexy, willing partner, preferably one without little round ears and a fondness for cheese. But if you're married or relationship-ensconced, priming your pump on someone else is a temptation to be resisted. What you can do, though, is fool your brain into thinking your longtime lover is actually a brand-new bedmate with the ability to spread your genetic code over a whole different part of the world.

Put it into practice: An easy way for the two of you to see each other anew is by changing your appearances. If she's open to it, give her a gift certificate for a makeover. At the same time, change your own look by dressing completely differently--as a captain of industry if you're used to going casual, or in a T-shirt and leather jacket if you normally favor business wear.

Another method of tricking your brain is role-playing. Meet at a bar and pretend you're picking up someone you've never met before, or act out "the president and the intern" scenario in bed. (Just never, ever let your friends know you've done this.)

2 Be a teenager again. Remember when you were, say, 15, and you felt as if your sex drive was so strong that your head might explode? That was due partly to the hormones of youth and partly to the fact that if you were like most boys that age, you were doing a lot of exploring without a lot of, um, release. Of course, back then it wasn't exactly a matter of choice, but why not try that now? If you can't hold out very long, it really doesn't matter; you'll have already conquered your disinterest in sex.

Put it into practice: Take your loved one to a drive-in or to Inspiration Point and make out all night. Maybe even try to cop a feel or two, but don't go all the way. To add realism, have her stop you whenever your hands stray into restricted areas.

3 Consider your health. Guys don't usually think of lack of desire as a medical problem, but it frequently is. Many health conditions can affect sexual desire, especially if it's one that's making you feel ill in general. And a large number of medications have sexual side effects--including, but not limited to, antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, and medicines that treat excess stomach acid--but they can be subtle enough that you don't realize that's what's going on. A doctor can help you figure out if this is the source of your problem, and adjust the kind of medication or the dosage if it is.

Put it into practice: Make an appointment to see your doctor and ask if medications or health problems could be the cause of your lack of desire. Don't accept "It's just a natural part of aging" as an answer. While male hormones do decline with age, there's nothing keeping you from having good sex well past midlife. In fact, in a recent survey sponsored by the makers of Viagra, men around the world reported being sexually active into their 70s--most, we assume, without chemical help.

4 Look at your life. Sexual desire begins and ends in the brain, and everything that's going on in your life can affect it. Are you having troubles at work, with family, or--worst of all where sex is concerned--with your wife or girlfriend? Are you working too hard and not getting enough sleep, so you're too exhausted for sex? Or is it possible you're suffering from mild depression? If so, it's likely that nothing much will make you happy, sex included.

Put it into practice: If possible, take whatever concrete steps you can take to make things better: Change your job, work things through with the people you're having trouble with, go to bed earlier every night, and actually talk to your mate about the problems you're having. (Don't think she hasn't noticed your lack of interest in the bedroom.) A therapist can help with all these things, as well as diagnose and treat possible depression.

5. Unstress yourself. Stress is a major libido-buster, whether it's caused by uncontrollable events or by simply not taking care of yourself. Animal studies have found that too much stress results in lower testosterone levels, less sex, or even an inability to have sex at all. If you're feeling harassed and harried, dealing with tension may be the key to recovering your libido.

Break out of your sex slump; seven ways to conquer a lagging libido - Sexuality

Men's Fitness, June, 2002 by J.L. Sullivan

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