Trainers from hell

Men's Fitness, June-July, 2004 by Sean Hyson

PERSONAL TRAINERS ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU CRANK OUT THE EXTRA SET AND RUN THAT EXTRA MILE, BUT OFTEN, THESE HIGH-PRICED "EXPERTS" ARE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. IN JANUARY, WE BROUGHT YOU "TWISTED TALES FROM PERSONAL TRAINERS," IN WHICH TRAINERS RECALLED THEIR CRAZIEST CLIENTS (IF YOU MISSED IT, GO TO MENSFITNESS.COM). HERE, MF READERS RECOUNT TRUE STORIES OF PAIN, TORTURE, AND AGONY SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF THEIR TRAINERS.

HE WAS THE DEVIL!

MY TRAINER HAS THESE LONG DREDS AND A GOATEE THAT GREW OUT TO A SATANIC POINT. HE MADE ME DO PARTIAL-REP PUSH-UPS BETWEEN TWO BENCHES WITH THREE 45-POUND PLATES ON MY BACK. WHEN I WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE LAST FEW REPS, HE STARTED SHOUTING, "SIX! SIX! SIX! MARK OF THE BEAST!" AND LAUGHING MANIACALLY. THE WHOLE GYM WAS FREAKED OUT.--S.H., NEW YORK, NY

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HE WAS A GROPER!

THERE WAS THIS TRAINER AT MY GYM THAT SEEMED TO TAKE ONLY CELEBRITY OR MODEL CLIENTS. INSTEAD OF LETTING THE WOMEN DO BASIC SQUATS. HE'D LIE DOWN WITH HIS HEAD UNDERNEATH THEIR BUTT AND THEN PUSH THEIR CHEEKS BACK UP AFTER THEY'D GONE BELOW PARALLEL. HE ALSO LIKED TO HAVE THEM WRAP THEIR LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST AND CRUNCH UP TO HIS CHEST FOR "ABDOMINAL WORK." I'M STILL WAITING FOR HIM TO GET SUED.--R.R., NEW YORK, NY

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HE WAS DRUNK!

I WAS HAVING MY FIRST PERSONAL--TRAINING SESSION AT SIX THE NEXT MORNING, AND I WANTED TO BE TOTALLY PREPARED. I WENT TO BED EARLY, GOT UP AT 5 A.M., AND WAS IN THE GYM TO MEET MY TRAINER BY SIX SHARP. NO SIGN OF HIM. BY 6:30, I WAS FED UP AND STARTED WORKING OUT BY MYSELF. I BUMPED INTO HIM ON MY WAY OUT AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER. HE WAS RIPPED, BUT I DON'T MEAN HIS PHYSIQUE. HE SAID HE HAD OVERSLEPT AFTER A NIGHT OF CLUBBING.--S.T., DALLAS, TX

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I FELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS!

MY TRAINER HAD ME DO ONE--LEGGED CALF RAISES ON THE TOP STEP OF A STAIRCASE THAT LED TO THE WOMEN'S LOCKER ROOM. I COULD FEEL MYSELF SLIPPING A LITTLE WITH EACH REP, BUT HE KEPT SAYING HOW GOOD IT WAS FOR MY BALANCE. EVENTUALLY, I SLID RIGHT OFF THE STEP AND TUMBLED OVER BACKWARD, DOWN THE STAIRS, AND INTO A PILE OF DIRTY TOWELS ON THE LOCKER-ROOM FLOOR. JUST A FEW FEET AWAY, A HALF-NAKED WOMAN LET OUT A SCREAM. LET'S JUST SAY I WAS LUCKY THE TOWELS BROKE MY FALL.--M.B., LANSING, MI

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SHE TREATED ME LIKE AN EX!

MY TRAINER WAS THIS REALLY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WITH A DANCER'S BODY. BUT SHE HAD JUST BROKEN UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND AND WAS A TOTAL HEAD CASE. ONE DAY, SHE TOLD ME TO DO SQUATS. I WAS RECOVERING FROM A BACK INJURY, SO I ASKED IF WE COULD DO SOMETHING ELSE. THAT'S WHEN SHE STARTED IN ON ME: "YOU MEN ARE ALL SUCH CONTROL FREAKS. YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SPECIAL JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PENIS!" SHE WAS YELLING AT ME LIKE I WAS HER EX! IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW HOT SHE WAS, I GOT OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP REAL FAST.--T.B., BETHESDA, MD

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HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE!

MY TRAINER MUST HAVE BEEN ON SOMEBODY'S "MOST WANTED" LIST. WE WERE WORKING OUT WHEN, SUDDENLY, HE SAID WE HAD TO MOVE TO ANOTHER PART OF THE GYM. I ASKED WHY AND HE SAID, "CIRCUIT TRAINING." SO HE PUT ME ON THE TREADMILL, AND A FEW MINUTES LATER WE HAD TO MOVE AGAIN. AFTER A FEW MORE RANDOM MOVES AROUND THE GYM, I REALIZED HE DIDN'T WANT ANY GYM EMPLOYEES TO SEE HIM. I FOUND OUT LATER HE DIDN'T EVEN WORK THERE.--V.W., DETROIT, MI

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IT WAS LIKE SHE'D BEEN THROWN FROM A CAR.

THIS NEWBIE TRAINER I KNOW HAD JUST READ ABOUT HOW YOU CAN BURN MORE CALORIE BY WALKING SIDEWAYS ON A TREADMILL. NATURALLY, HE HAS HIS CLIENT, AN ELDERLY WOMAN AND A BEGINNER, TRY IT RIGHT AWAY. SO HE CRANKS UP THE TREADMILL WHILE SHE'S WALKING ON IT AND TELLS HER TO TURN 90 DEGREES AND SIDE-STEP. SHE TURNS, FUMBLES, AND COMPLETELY LOSES HER FOOTING. SHE FALLS FLAT ON THE TREADMILL'S BELT AND, BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO FAST, IS SLINGSHOT BACKWARD AND STRAIGHT THROUGH A SHEETROCK WALL. IT WAS LIKE SHE'D BEEN THROWN FROM A MOVING VEHICLE WHILE I WAS DRIVING BY ON THE HIGHWAY. IT WAS A HORRIBLE SCENE, BUT I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING.--C.C., BROCKTON, MA

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I HEAVED ON HIM!

I WAS NEVER A "WORKOUT PERSON," BUT AFTER HAVING NEXT TO NO EXERCISE FOR YEARS, I THOUGHT I WOULD BE SMART AND TAKE IT SLOW. MY TRAINER DISAGREED. RIGHT AWAY WE STARTED DOING SERIOUS LEG WORK--LUNGES, STEP-UPS, AND SQUATS--WITHOUT REST. I COULDN'T STOMACH IT--LITERALLY. I HEAVED ALL OVER THE LEG-PRESS MACHINE. THEN HE TOLD ME IT WAS NORMAL TO FEEL SICK, AND THAT WE SHOULD CONTINUE! I WAS SO ANGRY, I HEAVED ON HIM. I HAVEN'T WORKED OUT SINCE.--K.B., GILBERT, AZ

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SHE PICKED HIM UP--RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

MY TRAINER WAS A TOTAL SLUT. WE'D BE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SESSION WHEN SHE'D ALWAYS STOP TO TAKE A CELL-PHONE CALL; IT WAS A DIFFERENT GUY EACH TIME. THE LAST STRAW WAS WHEN SHE HAD ME DOING BENCH PRESSES ON A SWISS BALL AND STOPPED COUNTING MY REPS TO HIT ON THIS GUY NEXT TO US. SHE WAS TRYING TO PICK HIM UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! SHE GOT SO DISTRACTED, SHE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE WHEN I LOST MY BALANCE AND SLID ONTO THE FLOOR, NEARLY DROPPING THE DUMBBELLS ON MY FACE.--C.L., BOSTON, MA