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MF mistress: Sarah Hedley, Men's Fitness' sultry sex columnist, explains the ins and outs of the workout that matters most

Men's Fitness, Sept, 2004 by Sarah Hedley

I'm single and I haven't had sex in a year. It seems that the harder I try, the less chance I have. What should I do?

--Rob, Eugene, OR

Therein lies your answer, Rob. By trying so hard, you're coming across as desperate. And desperation isn't your best feature. You're also depriving women of the chase. You guys think you do all the legwork, but it's really us girls who are calling the shots. We get you to call us, for example, by not calling you. It's complicated. But here's a tip: When you go out, surround yourself with friends, relax, and have fun. Let the chicks come to you because you're the guy who looks like he's having the best time. As the saying goes, "Women are like bars of soap: slippery. The tighter you hold on to them, the more likely they'll slip through your fingers."

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My girlfriend and I used to have sex at least twice before going to sleep. Now, a year and a half later, it's one and done. How can I get my seconds?

--Jose, Wilmington, DE

To double your bunk-ups, adjust your behavior outside and inside the bedroom. A recent study conducted by the University of California, Riverside, showed that women are sexually attracted to men who help with household chores, and that gals are more likely to get "in the mood" for helpful hunks. Taking out the trash: It's the new foreplay!

Next, vary your menu. Plan for sex once on a Monday, not at all on a Tuesday, and then three times on a Wednesday. Then change it around the following week. You'll get the same amount of sex without the predictable routine. Routine equals "rut" in Sexland. Finally, pay heed to the quality of your sex play. Quiz her on what's curling her toes lately, and use that info to shine between the sheets.

Sometimes when I ejaculate, it just dribbles out. Other times, it shoots into the atmosphere, porno-style. Why is that?

--Dave, St. Louis, MO

Shooting distance varies from man to man and can be dependent on several factors. These include your physical makeup, levels of arousal, length of time since last ejaculation, and the strength of muscular contractions in the urethra, penis, and prostate gland. Some guys can, on a good day, clear a distance of several feet, and later that same day see their semen simply ooze out. Both are perfectly healthy and should equally turn on your partner, if she's into it. Just keep in mind that not all women like to wear pearls.

Send your questions to MF Mistress, Men's Fitness, One Park Ave., 3rd Floor, New York, NY 10016, or e-mail mfmistress@mensfitness.com.

MF mistress: Sarah Hedley, Men's Fitness' sultry sex columnist, explains the ins and outs of the workout that matters most

Men's Fitness, Sept, 2004 by Sarah Hedley

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