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Is ahe the one? Whether it's your first date or you're thinking of buying a ring here's a rundown of all the questions to ask so you never end up asking yourself "how the hell did I get into the mess?"

Men's Fitness, Nov, 2007 by Ariane Marder

First-date Q's

Time is money. The sooner you know if she's right for you, the better. Who wants to spend date after date forging a relationship only to realize later that she a) expects her mother to move in with you; b) wants to call your future children Apple, Seven, and Wolf; or c) listens only to Romanian rock? So, to help you determine whether she's really the girl you want to bring home to Mama, ask her the following questions, score the results, and get our expert take on your love life.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

"What's the longest relationship you've had?"

Her answer:

a She's had at least one long-termer and a sprinkling of short dead-end relationships.

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b She's had serious long-term boyfriend after serious long-term boyfriend.

c The last real relationship she had was during the Clinton administration--and it lasted a weekend.

What it tells you: "Asking about past patterns of behavior will give you a pretty good guide to the way people are likely to behave in the future," says Keith Ablow, M.D., author of Living the Truth: Transform Your Life Through the Power of Insight and Honesty. Finding out that none of her prior relationships lasted more than a couple of months will tell you whether she is someone who "fears longer commitments, or if she expects too much and can't cope with being disappointed so she bails at the first sign of trouble." If so, check your calendar: Your days may be numbered.

"What's your take on religion?"

Her answer:

a You believe in Jesus, she believes in Jesus. Hallelujah!

b Although you may pray to different deities, your basic values are the same.

c The two of you are on such different spiritual planes, it's best not to discuss at all.

What it tells you: Trust us, you want to know whether Sunday mornings are going to be spent in a church, synagogue, or mosque-or nursing a hangover. Equally important: Does she party or is she saving herself for marriage? Whatever her faith, she's expecting you to join her eventually--so make sure the Buddha/Vishnu/Mother Earth/Jesus/Virgin Mary/Allah she prays to sounds good to you. "A person's religious beliefs strongly influence how she will relate to you," warns Herb Goldberg, Ph.D., author of What Men Still Don't Know About Women, Relationships, and Love. "It's important when it comes to religion to be with someone you are really compatible with."

"Are you a cat or a dog person?"

Her answer:

a You hate cats, love dogs (or vice versa), and she's right there with you.

b She could go either way. She wouldn't call herself a dog person but could see having one.

c She can tolerate a hermit crab or sea monkeys but professes to be allergic to all pets and assumes you'll give yours away once you two get serious.

What it tells you: Is she a more-the-merrier kind of gal, or is she as threatened by Fido as she is by your single drinking buddies? Maybe you are the one who goes into anaphylactic shock every time a tabby cat crosses your path, and she wants nothing less than a litter of adorable kittens. Talk about pets--all of them--or she may wrongfully assume that the enormous aquarium you worked so hard on for your pet snake, Bartholomew, will stay in the garage.

"Do you consider yourself high- or low-maintenance?"

Her answer:

a She is the definition of low maintenance-never sweats you or uses guilt as a weapon with anyone around her.

b She needs to be reassured of your love once a month (or every 28 days) and hugged after tearjerker movies, but it's tolerable.

c She can't do anything by herself and pouts and whines when you can't pick her up and drive her to her appointments.

What it tells you: You'll find out if she's a girl who can chill with a beer and a Seinfeld re-run or one who shrieks and rushes to the salon every time she chips a nail. Follow the question up with "And how would your friends describe you?" While the first answer will fill you in on how she perceives herself, the second will give you the valuable information about her character. Even better, get phone numbers for a couple of her close friends and ask them yourself. If she's unwilling to give up the digits, you may have your answer right there.

"What do you like to do in your free time?"

Her answer:

a She loves traveling and going out dancing, and she's learning to paint-but she likes to try new things as well.

b She's a hardcore member of the dog show circuit and reads 20 books a month.

c It depends on what you like to do. Her weekends are free for the next year.

What it tells you: What she does in her downtime speaks volumes about her personality. Does she spend weekends going to antique-dollhouse conventions or is she up for rock-climbing with you? "What's important is how she describes herself and what she likes to do when she's by herself," says Goldberg. "The best way to get to know her is to find out what kind of activities she's involved with on her own." Whatever her hobby--monster trucks or Japanese pottery--she's going to expect you to be interested (or at least tag along).

Is ahe the one? Whether it's your first date or you're thinking of buying a ring here's a rundown of all the questions to ask so you never end up asking yourself "how the hell did I get into the mess?"

Men's Fitness, Nov, 2007 by Ariane Marder

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