Office tics - understanding body language - includes related article on detecting deceptive motives through actions

Men's Fitness, July, 1998 by Joy Davidson

Understanding body language in the workplace isn't just a game - it's a career necessity

Imagine this scenario: You're talking to your boss about why you feel you're due for a raise. You itemize what you've done beyond your job requirements, and he says, "Fair enough. I'll consider it and get back to you." That sounds good, except that you didn't notice the steeple he formed with his hands while listening to you, and the distracted way he rubbed his nose. Meaningless? Absolutely not. Fact is, he's already given you an answer, but you may not have noticed the telltale signals.

It's easy to miss subtle messages in the way someone positions his body, uses his hands, moves his eyes or alters his tone of voice. But when you do, you can miss out on vital information at work, from peers and supervisors alike, where decoding "body talk" matters as much as - and sometimes more than - the spoken word. Why? Because nonverbal cues are more immediate, instinctive and uncontrolled than verbal expression, bringing genuine attitudes and feelings smack into the open.

Psychologists have studied body language for decades, and while they may disagree on certain details, some general principles are well accepted. Learning them can make a huge, virtually instant improvement in your business-communication skills and career potential.

Don't just listen - watch

Knowing whether you're successfully connecting with someone not only saves a lot of time and energy, but can help you redeem an iffy situation from the snapping jaws of oblivion.

Take John, who learned that lesson the hard way. In his first meeting with a prospective client, he began rattling on about the benefits of their doing business together. At first, the client leaned forward looking directly at John, his palms casually resting on the edge of the conference table. He even nodded from time to time in response to John's pitch. His body talk was saying, "I'm open; I'm interested in what you have to offer." But after 10 minutes of listening to John drone on without a pause, all that changed. The client's eyes began to wander. He swayed back in his chair until it nearly touched the wall behind him. He crossed his arms protectively over his chest; he glanced at his watch; he scratched his forehead. Finally, the client checked his watch and piped up, "Sorry, John. We'll have to stop here. I have another appointment waiting."

John blew it because he didn't consciously read the meaning of his client's sudden shift to a guarded posture, or recognize that his fidgeting and loss of eye contact were sure-fire clues that his interest was slipping away. Had John been sharper, he could have posed a couple of pertinent questions well before he lost the client's attention. He could have gotten the man talking and involved, and probably reclaimed his chance to snag the account.

Key body signals

By paying careful attention to body language, and noticing when someone makes a sudden transition from one attitude to another, you'll have a good idea of what the other person is thinking - whether or not that's what he or she is saying.

If, for example, a boss, co-worker or client moves from an open, undefended posture to a more untrusting position, be aware that you're turning him or her off and should change your approach. You might elaborate on the topic that elicited supportive gestures and steer clear of stuff that shuts your listener down. Or you might reframe your whole presentation, broaching troublesome content another time, in another manner.

By watching out for the following cues, you can gauge how well you're relating to another person. And if you deliberately emphasize some of these gestures yourself (without looking like you're "posing"), you'll convey strong messages without having to utter a single word.

* Open palms: sincerity, openness, receptivity

* Leaning closer: interest, comfort

* Leaning away: discomfort with the facts being presented or the person presenting them

* Nodding: interest, agreement and understanding

* A relaxed posture: openness to communication

* Arms crossed over chest: defensiveness, guardedness, resistance

* Gesturing warmly or talking with hands: interest and involvement in the conversation

* Hand to cheek: evaluating, considering

* Hands clasped behind back: anger, frustration

* Sitting with hands clasped behind head: arrogance, superiority (except in long-standing relationships)

* Tapping or drumming fingers: impatience, annoyance

* Steepling fingers: closing off, creating a barrier

* Fidgeting: boredom, nervousness or impatience

* Hand over mouth: generally negative; often denotes disapproval or reluctance to speak openly

* Clutching objects tightly: anxiety, nervous anticipation

Standing tall

It isn't enough just to understand other people's body language - controlling your own nonverbal signals can improve your image and increase your success. If you want to appear confident, open and in control, practice these moves in front of a mirror until they're second nature: