Office tics - understanding body language - includes related article on detecting deceptive motives through actions

Men's Fitness, July, 1998 by Joy Davidson

* Stand evenly on both feet. Keep your arms relaxed and casual. For example, keep one hand in your pocket, and use the other one for gesturing as you speak. Don't slouch, but don't stand up so stiffly that you look like you're attached to a flagpole.

* Look at others straight-on. Meet their eyes, then occasionally let your gaze drift elsewhere to keep from staring.

* Avoid "commando" postures such as hands on your hips or clasped behind your head. Also avoid "barrier" language, such as turning your body away or keeping your arms folded.

* Avoid fidgeting with your hands or bringing your hands to your face.

* Keep your gestures loose yet controlled if those around you seem reserved or nervous. Avoid excessively exuberant or frantic movements.

* Move slightly closer to others if you want to "warm up" the relationship.

* Be sure your words and your body language match, or you'll seem insincere.

* Smile. People who feel good about themselves rarely look grim or dour.

These gestures may seem insignificant, but they can actually be quite important. That's because while you're strategically watching other people's body signals, they may be keeping just as close an eye on yours.

Spotting deception

Now you know how to tell what business colleagues are unconsciously saying despite their words. But what if someone is intentionally misleading you? When a person's words and body language conflict, trust the body. It's always more honest.

Let's go back to the very first scenario, in which you were asking for a raise. Remember the nose-rub thing your boss did? Under certain circumstances, a simple, seemingly routine action like that can actually be a dead giveaway that someone is lying.

John Millner, police chief of Elmhurst, Illinois, who's considered one of the nation's foremost experts in forensic uses of body language, points to the nose rub as a common sign of dishonesty - especially when it's combined with breached eye contact and a walling-off hand position. Maybe your boss knows there's no room in the budget for a raise, but isn't in the mood for an immediate confrontation. Whatever the reason, his body talk tells you there's more going on than he's willing to reveal.

By and large, Millner says, liars don't give themselves away with large gestures, but with "microexpressions" - unusual movements, head angles and breathing rhythms. "To get at a lie, you have to compare someone to him or herself, not to arbitrary criteria," Millner explains.

So if you want to act as your own lie detector with, say, your girlfriend, try the kind of technique Millner uses on crime suspects: First, get a baseline for her truthful responses by asking a series of questions that she'd have no reason to lie about ("Did you feed the cat?"). Watch her eyes move; are they veering up and to the left, or down and to the right? Is she looking straight at you? How are her hands and legs positioned? Now ask her the tougher questions. Watch her body closely just before she begins to speak. Do you see anything inconsistent with her other responses? If so, she might not be telling you the whole truth.