Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. - Review - book review

Adolescence, Spring, 2001

PRUETT, Kyle D. Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. New York: The Free Press, 2000. 256pp. $24.00 (h).

Combining real-life examples from his own child and family psychiatry practice with state-of-the-art research data, Pruett shows how fathers parent differently and why that difference is so important to a child's physical, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral development. Pruett challenges the time-honored tradition of giving mothers all the credit--and all the blame--for how their children turn out. Biological studies of infants show that they seek comfort from moms but crave interaction with their dads. Mothers quickly reassure toddlers when they become frustrated or fearful, whereas fathers encourage their toddlers to tolerate frustration a bit longer, helping them develop into adults with greater reserves of strength in dealing with everyday stress and frustration. Further, Pruett's long-term studies show that children who are actively involved with their fathers from birth through adolescence develop more emotional balance, stronger curiosity, and greater self-assurance. Fatherneed is also a how-to guide for engaged fathering that will give your children the skills to develop into happy and healthy adults. Pruett specifically addresses what a father can do to prepare his marriage, his house, and his emotions for his child's needs, from infancy through the toddler years, childhood, adolescence, and young and mature adulthood. His advice to fathers is comprehensive and wide-ranging: how to speak to toddlers in language they can understand; how to avoid the common tendency to reinforce gender stereotypes in young children; how to maintain a connection with an increasingly autonomous teenager; how to strengthen one's marriage while facing the challenges of fathering. Divorced fathers, fathers of adopted children, stepfathers, and fathers of special-needs children all face unique challenges, and Pruett offers step-by-step guidance for coping with every one of these special situations. When fathers are absent, mothers must look elsewhere, and Pruett shows single moms how to be sure that their children are getting the benefit of a male adult's attention. Through true stories of actual families Fatherneed reveals the infinite varieties of fathering that result when a dedicated father and a supportive mother work together.