Involuntary Celibacy: A Life Course Analysis - Statistical Data Included

Journal of Sex Research, May, 2001 by Denise Donnelly, Elisabeth Burgess, Sally Anderson, Regina Davis, Joy Dillard

Seventeen percent of partnered respondents reported one partner making a conscious decision to suspend sexual activity. This often occurred in the context of pregnancy or childbirth. As a woman in the 35-44 age group noted, "My husband made this decision two years ago. It seems that it was a conscious decision after I became pregnant with my second child." In another case, reported by a man in the same age group, his partner, "stopped 6 years ago, shortly after our last child was born. She has no drive, now feels sex is dirty, doesn't want ... to be touched." When a partner decides to stop having sex, often there is little that the other can do about the situation. There were no male-female differences among partnered persons, since all were not having sex and unhappy about it.

Thus, the trajectories by which each group of celibates arrived at their present condition varied greatly, with virgins becoming off time in their teens and early twenties, and never experiencing a transition to sexual activity. Single celibates showed some signs of difficulty as adolescents, but appeared to have been at least somewhat similar to their age peers in establishing sexual relationships. Similar to partnered celibates, they tended to get off time as adults, when they were unable to maintain sexual relationships. Partnered celibates were unique, however, in that they were currently in relationships that had over time become nonsexual.

Barriers to Sexual Relationships

Once respondents felt off time in their sexual trajectories, they suspected that several factors kept them from having sexual relationships. Similar to other researchers (Jackson, Soderlind, & Weiss, 2000; Joiner, 1997) we found that shyness was a barrier to developing and maintaining relationships for many of our respondents. Virgins and singles were more likely to report shyness (94% and 84%, respectively), than were partnereds (20%). The men in these two groups were more likely to mention being shy than were women (89% vs. 77%). In addition, 41% of virgins and 24% of singles reported an inability to relate to others socially. As one male virgin said,

   The biggest barrier to developing a relationship is my lack of
   social/dating skills. At my age (34), people are expected to have already
   gone through several real relationships, while I remain a perpetual
   teenager in terms of relationships potential.

Thus, the lack of social skills was seen as a barrier keeping this respondent who was chronologically approaching middle age trapped in a situation more common to persons half his age. Feelings of being off time worsened as respondents aged. One male virgin said, "I'm thirty years old, for Christ's sake, everyone I know is married with kids."

Still celibate as adults, this group of respondents often felt like the single woman in the 35-44 age group who was, "nervous, unhappy, depressive, lost." Similar to another single man in his late fifties, some even worded that they might no longer be considered sexual beings, "[Being a celibate adult] has contributed to my bouts of depression. It has also caused me major anxiety. I am concerned that I am no longer a sexual being."