Actual and desired duration of foreplay and intercourse: discordance and misperceptions within heterosexual couples

Journal of Sex Research, August, 2004 by S. Andrea Miller, E. Sandra Byers

Past research suggests that gender may determine the extent to which misperceptions influence sexual satisfaction. For example, Purnine and Carey (1997) found that men's understanding of their partner's preferences was positively associated with the sexual satisfaction of both partners, whereas women's understanding was not significantly related to the sexual satisfaction of either partner. MacNeil and Byers' (1997) finding that women's sexual self-disclosure but not men's was linked with both partners' sexual satisfaction also supports the importance of men's understanding of their partners' ideal scripts to sexual satisfaction.

There are two compatible hypotheses regarding why men's sexual misperceptions may be more detrimental to the sexual satisfaction of both partners than women's sexual misperceptions. First, men play a more instrumental role in determining the sexual performance script (Baumeister, 2000; Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983; Grauerholz & Serpe, 1985; Lawrance et al., 1996). Thus, men are able to direct the sexual interaction in such a way as to fulfill their own sexual desires. However, sexual activity may not fulfill their partners' sexual desires if the men misperceive what these desires are. Second, men may feel pressure to "perform well" and may measure their performance by whether their partners reach orgasm and feel sexually satisfied (Basow, 1992; Masters & Johnson, 1976). Thus, correctly perceiving a woman's ideal script and thereby "providing" her with sexual satisfaction may be an important element of a man's sexual experience. Therefore, we examined the relationship between sexual misperceptions and sexual satisfaction (RQ10). We hypothesised that misperceptions by men would be more strongly associated with sexual satisfaction than would misperceptions by women.

METHOD

Participants

Participants were 152 couples who completed and returned a questionnaire mailed to 1,989 male university alumni as part of a larger study on men's ejaculatory behaviour. The response rate is difficult to determine because not all men who received questionnaires were in long-term relationships and thus had partners who were eligible to participate. We therefore determined that we had a minimum response rate of 7.6%. Male respondents ranged in age from 23 to 76 years (M = 40.5, SD = 11.4). Female respondents ranged in age from 21 to 77 years (M= 38.9, SD = 10.8). Couples had been in their relationships between 6 months and 50 years (M = 14.17, SD = 11.16). Most (80.9%) of the couples reported that they were married and approximately half (55%) had children living at home. The sample was highly educated, with 100% of the male respondents and 75.7% of the female respondents having completed a minimum of an undergraduate degree. Further, 70% of the couples had a household income of more than $50,000 Canadian. Almost all of the respondents (98%) had grown up in Canada and rated their overall health as good. Although ethnicity was not assessed, in keeping with the ethnic composition of both the province and the university, it is highly likely that the sample was primarily White.