Polyphony - Professional Resources - parent-teacher relations

American Music Teacher, Oct-Nov, 2003 by Jane Magrath

Note: Recently I came across a book tided Dealing with Difficult Parents (And with Parents in Difficult Situations) by Todd Whitaker and Douglas J. Fiore (Larchmont, NY: Eye on Education, 2001, ISBN 1-930556-09-8). This book, written primarily for school teachers and principals, contains a wealth of information that can be used by music teachers in their associations with students' parents. This American Music Teacher column is based on the Fiore/Whitaker book, a highly recommended resource for the music teacher.

Q: Why do you believe parents sometimes are so difficult to work with? I hear other teachers say teaching would be much easier if we did not need to deal with parents.

A: Many of today's parents are consumed by just making ends meet. The families appear to function well, but, in fact, the stress of providing food and shelter for some families is more profound than we realize. Children sometimes are in the background of the family scene and do not receive adequate attention at home, and yet the parents want to provide music experiences for their children to enrich their lives. Often, the student's contact with the music teacher is more profound and more important than the teacher realizes.

Q: What are some ways to deal with angry parents?

A: Music teachers sometimes bear the brunt of angry parents who express frustration in an insolated situation with the music teacher. It is best to find ways to deal with the angry parental situation while trying to understand the anger. Whitaker and Fiore offer several methods to deal with parental anger--anger that may have taken you by surprise. They suggest you lower your vocal volume. One benefit is the parent or other person must be quieter since they can hear the teacher only by speaking softer. This also can work in a room with many noisy children who sometimes realize how loud and boisterous they are in comparison with the teacher's quieter voice.

In addition, the authors suggest the teacher look the parent straight in the eye. This technique helps place the teacher in control and be heard. The teacher conveys an air of understanding and strong communication, which can help diffuse some of the anger. Of course, the real reason for using these strategies is to deepen relationships so students can succeed.

Q: What are some ways to build mat with parents?

A: Whitaker and Fiore remind us that everyone wants to be associated with a winner. Certainly, we know that winning athletic teams have huge followings and many supporters. The music teacher needs to establish the perception that his or her studio or music school is indeed a winner. Numerous activities can be held throughout the year to strengthen the relationships with parents and the music study program. Some of these include presenting a back-to-school night or reception at the beginning of the year or semester, where the teacher introduces parents of all the students, works through the studio policy, discusses some of her goals and philosophies for music study and relates some of the opportunities she provides for children.

Periodic phone calls to parents relating positive aspects of their child's work can be particularly helpful. How many parents expect to receive a phone call from a teacher with good news about their child? This act of periodically touching base also helps strengthen home support for the child's study--that is, having parents believe in the child and do even more to support and encourage their child's study.

Studio newsletters allow teachers to present themselves and their role to parents and students in the most positive light possible. Focusing on people who are doing things correctly helps keep the focal point on the positive aspects of study and fosters more of what has been reinforced in the newsletter. Newsletters need to be personal and professional, include names and a calendar, and should ask for feedback. Although newsletters initially may be time-consuming, once a format is established and a routine (once a year, once a semester) begins, writing the newsletter becomes easier. Remember that it should be kept brief so parents can read it quickly and it is not burdensome to publish and distribute.

Q: Are there specific techniques for dealing positively with parents?

A: In the book Dealing with Difficult Parents (And with Parents in Difficult Situations), the authors cite Ben Bissell, who presented a paper at the Missouri Leadership Academy in 1992 describing five important elements for praise to have the most positive effect possible. Bissell stated that effective praise must be authentic, specific, immediate, clean and private.

Authentic praise is genuine. There are some people who do not give praise because they believe too much praise loses its credibility. A way to not let this happen is for the praise to be authentic. Simply stated, we catch students doing things right and note it, with the parent and/or child.

Specific praise shines a light on a particular behavior. Often, the positively noted behaviors in students and parents become those that will be continued and repeated. By stating exactly what was done well, the person can see the area of value and is likely to repeat that behavior.