We're Laughing With You

Automotive Industries,  May, 2001  

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Heard any good Engineer jokes lately?

To paraphrase the comic Rodney Dangerfield, engineers often get no respect. Let's face it, American society no longer respects methodical, disciplined people who actually make things, and make them better. The title "Automotive Engineer" will never enjoy the high social status of, say, "Talk Show Host," "Investment Banker," or "Rapper." And the last thing you probably need right now is a collection of Engineer Jokes that recently appeared on the Internet. You can blame us if they bring back memories of that idiot jock in Algebra class who made you the brunt of his torment. Hey, he's probably selling aluminum siding today. Or has a talk show.

Here's to Engineering -- and your sense of humor.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?

A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?

A: Their personalities.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?

A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?

A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

You Might Be An Engineer If:

* You take a cruise just so you can go on a personal tour of the ship's engine room.

* At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

* You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

* You sit backwards on Disney rides to see how they do the special effects.

* You see a good design, and have to change it.

* You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

* You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

* You window shop at Radio Shack.

* Your laptop computer cost more than your car.

* Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

Comprehending Engineers, Take One

Two male engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said. "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers, Take Two

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers, Take Three

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Comprehending Engineers, Take Four

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" exclaimed the artist and architect.

"Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers, Take Five

A female engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a handsome prince." She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I'll stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into her pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a handsome prince, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a boyfriend. But a TALKING frog, now that's cool!"

COPYRIGHT 2001 Diesel & Gas Turbine Publications
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning