Sales letters: are buyers reading yours?

by Dave Hagenbuch

* As a professional communicator, you'll want your sales letters to work for you--not against you. Good letters can sell space. Bad letters can cause you to lose business. Bad letters reflect negatively on you and your magazine, and they create doubt and misbelief in the minds of the recipients.

In this article, I'll describe 12 common errors I've seen in publishing sales letters and tell you how to avoid them.

1. Present benefits, not features

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we are selling that we forget who's doing the buying. The customer or prospect wants to know what benefits your magazine offers. What's the end result of doing business with you? How will your magazine help him increase sales, improve the bottom line, the share of market, the relationship of the agency with the client? Your media points become interesting when they are translated into something of value to the client or the agency. The best way to reach another person is through his or her self-interest. Benefits sell. Features don't.

My neighbor, John Beckley, author of The Power of Little Words, writes that the reason most people do not write better letters is that they are too self-centered. I agree. Your sales letters will work best for you only when they work best for your customers. John points out that "In all good writing, one person and only one person is important--the reader. Yet what happens when the average person sits down to write a letter or report? Somewhere in his conscious or unconscious mind an insidious thought raises its head: What will the reader think of me? The more that thought interferes with concentrating on the reader, the poorer his or her writing becomes."

2. Avoid stereotyped openings

The first sentence can make or break your letter. It should attract immediate attention. It's like the headline of an advertisement. In advertising, we are taught that five to seven times more people read an ad's headline than its body copy. We learn, too, that a good headline usually contains a benefit for the reader. It seems to me that this principle applies to letters. When you want your letters to be read, write a first sentence that immediately grabs the reader and stimulates readership.

Common errors in sales letters are openings or beginnings such as "Enclosed please find," "Attached is," "Per our discussion." Can you imagine calling on someone and saying, "Enclosed please find our media file"? Well, if you wouldn't say it, please don't write it. Write the way you talk. Communicate your ideas simply.

3. Begin with the reader

Avoid self-oriented beginnings. Letters shouldn't start off with the words "I," "we," "our," "my" or the name of your magazine. This is a sure way to turn off a potential reader. Instead, try to make your first sentence relate to the client's or agency's needs, interest or problems. Get the words "you," "your" or the name of the company or the product right up front--just as though you were writing an ad. In this way, you'll be sure to attract attention.

After reading literally thousands of publishing sales letters, I believe that the words "Thank you" are overworked as a lead-in to a follow-up letter. Common openings are "Thank you for your time last week" and "Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to discuss, etc." There is nothing wrong with this, but just imagine yourself as the recipient of hundreds of letters that start this way. They become routine and, yes, even dull. That you are writing in the first place is an expression of thanks. Instead, use a catchy phrase, something that is bright and interesting. Refer to something the customer said to you. For example, "You said something interesting at our recent meeting. You said that your primary advertising objective was to, etc." Or, "Your new flooring product offers interesting potential for sales in Texas. Here's why, etc." Or, "Here's the answer to your question about, etc."

4. Organize your thoughts

You have benefits that you want to present. It makes sense to communicate them in logical sequence. I've read letters that jump from circulation to editorial, back to circulation, and then on to the market. However you present your sales points, they should be well organized and lead the reader through your letter. Good organization results when you place your thoughts and ideas in their proper order.

5. Keep away from overworked expressions

"As we discussed" is an example of this faults, which is common to many letters. The first sentence begins, "Enclosed please find . . . ." The opening sentence of the second paragraph begins, "As we discussed . . . ." Following a few features about the magazine, the letter concludes, "If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to call on me."

All of the expressions overstress the obvious. When you enclose something, it is enclosed. When you discuss something that has been discussed, you don't need to remind someone that you are discussing it. Please get on with it. And it's unnecessary to tell someone they can contact you when your address ad phone number are on the letterhead. Then, too, its your job to make the calls.

L. Polish your grammar

Just last week, I read three letters from three different salespeopel who used the expression "between you and I." Imagine the reaction of a prospect to this abuse of the English language. From The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E. B. White comes the admonition, "Never substitute I as the object of a verb or preposition in the hope of achieving elegance." IT may be all right for certain sports announcers to use bad grammar, but you'll want your letters to be correct.

7. Avoid wordiness and long letters

Good writing is concise. Your letters should say what they have to say in as few words as possible. Edit and try to omit needless words. Frequently, I read "in the very near future" when "soon" will do. One word instead of five. Books on letter writing have endless examples of wordiness. Consider these: Instead of: Use: there is no doubt no doubt that (doubtless) due to the fact since or because that despite that fact though or that although for the purpose to or for of for the reason since or because that in addition also in accordance by with in lieu of instead in the event that if in this day and today age

You will need to determine the length of your letters. Accounts and agencies tell me to tell you please to keep them short (preferably one page). They resent long letters. I've read many two-page and even three-page letters that could have been easily reduced to one page. If you must write a long letter, try the technique of turning it into a presentation. Put it in a folder and send it along with a one- or two-paragraph letter. Your contacts will be impressed.

8. Keep your writing fresh Trite expressions take away from freshness and originality in writing. Some classic examples: "all things being equal," "better late than never," "few and far between," "in the last analysis," "it goes without saying" (yes, it does!).

9. Watch your spelling and punctuation

This is another challenge. Because we are in communication, we must be students of correct English. Spelling has always been a problem for me. At my offices, I keep a dictionary, Roget's Thesaurus, a dictionary of problem words and expressions, and The Elements of Style. If you are using secretarial services, check your letters carefully for errors of spelling and punctuation. Our educational system has become somewhat careless in teaching these skills.

10. Don't be too hip

You're a professional. Try to avoid such slang expressions as "moves and shakers," "our book" (is it a book, a magazine or a publication), "hot button," "space rep," "ad biz" etc. Anything that you can do to upgrade the level of magazine publishing will benefit us all.

11. A sentence is . . .

Be careful of sentence structure in your formal letters. Expressions such as "Good to see you," "Good to hear from you," "Looking forward to meeting you," "Any questions?" should be avoided. They may be all right for handwritten notes, but they don't belong in a formal letter.