Now, that's taking a bite out of crime! - Back Blast & Other Hot Gases

Shooting Industry, Nov, 2003 by Commander Gilmore

Lots of crooks have claimed--a little too late--that their cars were stolen, and somebody else must have been driving their wheels during a crime. Others have claimed their wallets, dropped at a crime scene, were just "missing" and they hadn't noticed until a pair of bluesuits showed up at their doors. Paul D. Lee was outta luck on an excuse like that. He could hardly claim he hadn't noticed his teeth were missing.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

One of the last pieces of evidence found at a burglary scene in Mount Pleasant, Ind., was a set of dentures, left on the floor by persons unknown. The victim, who wears dentures himself, said they didn't belong to him. Reconstruction of the crime indicated the thief apparently stumbled or fell, lost his dentures and couldn't find them in the dark.

Police were pleased to learn that the crime apparently cost the burglar more than he stole--dentures ain't cheap, folks--but it didn't put them any closer to their suspect. Not until somebody noted that in Indiana, the law requires all dentures must bear the name of the person they were made for, inscribed under the artificial gumline. One simple scraping and Paul Lee was fingered as the culprit. Or "toothed." Whatever.

Here's the best part: The dentures were impounded as evidence, of course, and Lee, faced with the facts, volunteered a confession, which was to be videotaped. Problem was, nobody could understand him. Officers had to give Paul his teeth back, tape the confession, and then re-impound the evidence. We presume he's getting by on jailhouse soup and Jell-O.

The article didn't say, but we gotta believe at least one smart cop commented it was a good thing those dentures weren't "out-of-state plates."

Robbin' In Style

Except for that one witness, Rick Beal would have been on a champagne flight to who-knows-where, and flying first class, of course. You just have to admire a guy who brings style and panache to the otherwise drab world of bank robbery.

Investigators in San Francisco report that Rick hired a limousine to drive him to the international airport, and while en route, had the driver stop at a Bank of America branch to "conduct a little business." The business was robbing the bank. The limo driver was blissfully ignorant of what was going down--all he knew was that his client calmly reappeared, apparently well funded for his trip, and they continued on their merry way.

All would have gone according to plan, except that one witness to the robbery saw Rick get in the limo. He followed in his own car until he could call the police. All the money was recovered, and the driver didn't even get a tip.

Check My I.D.?

Cops in Vancouver, B.C., knew they'd arrested a very clever con man, but they couldn't charge him until they knew who he really was. He was busted for using fake checks to buy pizzas, but they knew if they could just identify him, he'd be good for a lot more crime across the country.

Trouble was, he used at least 22 different identities, all of them phony, and unlike in the U.S., the Canadians couldn't just run his prints electronically and get a match. Then someone remembered that a much-wanted con man had one very distinguishing mark. That's when they ask Mr. Con to drop his pants.

Yep, there it was: a tattoo on his backside reading "Made in Canada." The 55-year-old was wanted on a Canada-wide warrant for offenses in Quebec, Ontario, and Alberta. His brain may have gotten him in trouble, but his butt got him sent to prison.

Forget My Appeal?

That's what Andro Stephane Michel Auguste asked the Supreme Court of Appeal in Vietnam, but they weren't buying it.

The 34-year old French citizen was arrested at Tan Son Nhut Airport and charged with heroin trafficking. He was carrying 317 grams from Thailand, bound for Paris. Andro pulled a 20-year prison sentence and promptly appealed. The appellate court found that, indeed, the lower court had erred. They ruled the punishment should have been either life in prison--or the death penalty. They thanked him for bringing it to their attention, and sentenced him to life.

Short Withdraw

Cops responding to a bank robbery alarm in Taipei, Taiwan, were rolling from a distance and knew their man would be long gone when they got there--but he wasn't. Chiang Tu-cheng, 45, was waiting for them, sitting in a chair with his toy pistol safely planted on the deck and his bag of loot in hand.

Chiang explained that he didn't really want to rob the bank. He just wanted to go to jail where he would be safe from a nasty loan shark he owed money to. The police weren't buying the story.

Since Chiang only netted 230,000 Taiwan dollars (about $6,800 US), it wasn't enough to cover what he owed the shark. So, rather than get kneecapped for coming up short, he decided to catch-up on his reading in the slam while things cooled down.

Regardless, Chiang's brief career as a bank robber got him a nice semi-safe cell.

Robbery Rritten Rotten

The cashier at a 7-Eleven store in Mishawaka, Ind., was just finishing up a sleepy graveyard shift when two Big Uglies wandered in, eyeballing the surveillance cameras, acting shifty and generally setting off the little alarm bells in the cashier's head. When Ugly Number One handed her a note, she expected the standard stickup narrative, but there was a problem. She couldn't understand the note.