Florida movie premiere: "dead men driving"

Shooting Industry, Jan, 2007 by Commander Gilmore

In the summer of '05, when Savannah shrimp boat owner Kevin Klarell "Tank" Washington was reported lost overboard in a storm and presumed dead at sea, federal authorities sorta doubted the story. The 300-pound Tank had served prison time on cocaine charges previously, and his sudden 2 a.m. disappearance happened only three days before he was to appear at a hearing on federal drug smuggling charges. Something was fishy--okay, maybe "shrimpy."

At a colorful memorial service, Washington's wife, Lavonnia, also a suspect on drug charges, wept copious tears. Somebody tossed a wreath in the river, someone said a prayer and everybody went home. But then the U.S. Marshal's fugitive task force caught the case, and unlike the dudes in some federal agencies, these guys don't spend their time shoe-shoppin' and getting their hair styled. They want their man--dead or alive.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Almost a year later, our dear departed suddenly renewed his driver's license and seconds later, the Marshals knew it. They thought that constituted "unusual behavior on the part of a dead guy." They paid the widow a call and came away with two guests--Tank and his bride.

"We got him and he ain't dead," said Tommy Long of the U.S. Marshal's fugitive task force. You just gotta love Long's speech-makin' style, don't you?

Bad Luck Bingo

Is it a winner or a loser at "bad luck bingo"? Actually, we think Veronica Nunez manufactured a lot of her own bad luck. After getting a traffic citation for driving without a license, she made mistake number two when she drove her still-unlicensed self down to the courthouse in Durham, N.C., to appear on the charge. Once there, mistake number three seemed kinda inevitable--she drove into an adjacent lot reserved for court employees and law enforcement vehicles. Veronica realized her mistake, but by then she was on a bad-luck roll. She backed out and T-boned a judge's car.

Witnesses said Superior Court Judge Ron Stephens honked his horn repeatedly and tried to take evasive action, but Nunez locked in on his Dodge van like a homing torpedo and nailed him. Sheriff's Sergeant Stokes Barnes was assigned to investigate the incident.

"If you go to court for having no license," Barnes said, "it's best not to drive yourself there. It's also best not to park in a restricted lot. If you run into a judge on top of all that, it just ain't your day."

Ms. Nunez came to the courthouse with one citation and left with three--a clear winner in the Bad Luck Bingo Game.

Really Unemployed Now!

Remember back in June, when the arch-terrorist and leader of Al-Qaida, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed by a U.S. air strike in Iraq? Sometime after that, a bored government clerk in India typed Zarqawi's name into the computer database and hit "search." You know, just for grins and giggles. The grinnin' and gigglin' stopped when he got a hit. The War Against Terror's number-two target, Osama bin Laden's murderous protege, was collecting unemployment benefits!

He was entered as Ama Zarqawi, but supporting data clearly identified of' Abu Musab, and Indian officials confirmed it. N.C. Bajpai, chief secretary of Uttar Pradesh Province, ordered a complete investigation. Meantime, they're checking other Indian social benefit systems and other identities of known terrorists.

There was no comment from any American sources and we gotta wonder if he was suckin' up taxpayer money here as an unemployed diesel mechanic in Saginaw or somethin'.

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