And little Jordan takes the lead at Talladega!

Shooting Industry, Jan, 2008 by Commander Gilmore

He may be big enough to drive, but is he big enough to get a traffic ticket? The officer who pulled over a candy-apple red Mustang GT about 10 miles west of Oshkosh, Wis., took maybe two seconds thinking about that question, then just smiled and asked the upset driver, "Can you point to your house from here?"

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

The driver of the Mustang couldn't. The passenger wasn't any help either. About all he could get out of 'em was, "We went for a ride."

Okay, that Mustang GT was a battery-operated miniature, and the driver and passenger were only 3 and 2 years old, respectively. However, they had been motoring along on surface streets, a busy connector, and they had even crossed a bridge and a state highway before the cop got 'em stopped. They had left in their wake a string of pursuing parents, neighbors and concerned citizens--all unable to catch up to the cruisin' rug-rats.

Little Jordan Will's Mustang is quite a ride. It has a keyed ignition, premium sound system, real chrome wheels and enough juice to outrun a buncha grownups. Jordan's daddy, Doug Will, assured the police he has impounded Jordan's keys, and unsupervised, Jordan will only be allowed to sit in the Mustang and make zoom-zoom sounds.

We think that will only work until Little "NASCAR" Jordan finds a paperclip and gets into that ignition system.

You Can Do It!

Hey, maybe even I can go high-tech! If you've been reluctant to carry high-tech items like GPS (Global Positioning System) devices because they seem too complicated, consider this: A whole buncha little forest-dwelling folks, whose most modern other possessions are crossbows and spears, are now using GPS devices on a routine daily basis.

The Mbendjele Yaka pygmies of the northern Congo, one of the world's last remaining Iron Age societies, have been using the satellite-based systems for a year now, mapping and designating their prime hunting grounds, water sources, food crop areas, medicinal plant locations, sacred sites, honey trees and more, to protect them from logging and development. The Congo's largest lumber company hired Tropical Forest Trust to train and equip the pygmies and report the data gathered by them in an effort to assure maximum profits while minimizing negative effects on the forest's inhabitants.

"The sets have icons on them," explained a TFT spokesman. "So they don't have to be able to read and write."

The pygmies simply power up their GPS devices when they leave home, and enter the correct symbol onto the map on the screen when they want to mark something for preservation. We doubt these little dudes could fieldstrip a Mossberg 500, so maybe us upjumped Neanderthals could learn to use a GPS, right?

The Famous Foot

He was just another airport cabbie and now he's "The Famous Foot"! When Muslim terrorists crashed an explosives-and-flammables-filled SUV into the front entrance of the terminal at Glasgow International Airport last June, it made global news. Scenes of the smoke and flames were broadcast worldwide, and reports detailed the fact that immediately following the crash, one occupant of the car was seen dousing himself with gasoline. He then either lit himself up, or the flames around him ignited him. Whatever the case, he was engulfed in fire and was eventually taken to a hospital where his personal jihad ended.

What few reports mentioned was that "crispy Khalid" Ahmed's apparent plan to become a mobile road flare was cut short by a cabbie who ran up to the flaming terrorist and kicked him squarely, well. in the "inverted V" parts.

Yup. Cabbie Alex McIlveen, 45, a big soccer fan with a penchant for hard punting, kicked Khalid so hard between the legs that he tore a tendon in his foot. After recovering and returning to work, Alex expected to just quietly slide back into his place in the long taxi line. But oh no, now he's a celebrity--"The Famous Foot"!--and he has to transport fares between requests from both locals and tourists who want to be photographed with him, usually demonstrating his "privates punt." Hey, they tip well, too!

No Easy Mark

With fists like those, who needs a gun? At least, that's what we're bettin' 27-year-old ex-pickpocket Jesse Daniel Rae is thinking. He might also be reconsidering his mental image of "an easy mark."

That's how he saw 72-year-old Bill Barnes when he spotted the seasoned citizen in a gas station convenience store near Grand Rapids, Mich. Barnes had just pulled a wad of cash out of an ATM, purchased a $2 lottery ticket, and shoved the remainder of the $300 into the left-front pocket of his shorts. That's when Jesse slid up--and screwed up, big time.

The instant Bill felt a hand stealthily slippin' into that pocket, he seized Jesse's wrist in an iron grip with his left hand, and commenced launching rapid-fire jack-hammer punches with his right. At 72, he likes his punching targets to remain within optimum range, and not have to chase 'em. The result?

"There was blood everywhere," store manager Abby Ostrom told reporters. Another employee jumped in and slammed Jesse to the deck, probably saving him from further injury at the hands of Battlin' Bill, who told police, "I guess I acted on instinct." We think those were some refined instincts. Jesse messed with the wrong guy.