Was it karaoke madness, or Sinatra syndrome? - Back Blast & Other Hot Gases

Shooting Industry, May, 2002 by Commander Gilmore

Karaoke is proving to be a lethal contact sport in some parts of the world. Not surprising. As we all know, exposure to karaoke can drive people mad and spark aggressive assaults -- as well as stupid, sappy behavior.

Recently, the premier of Cambodia tried to control, then shut down, that country's karaoke parlors because of their record of drunken violence and shootings. It didn't work. The premier then ordered the Army to search for outlaw karaoke sites and flatten them with tanks.

More than one shooting incident occurred after some yahoo tried his rendition of Frank Sinatra's "My Way." That particular tune seemed to cause outbreaks of mayhem. And you thought that was just some weird localized phenomenon. Uh-uh.

In the Philippines, owners of karaoke parlors are removing Sinatra's song from their machines after a wave of "My Way" incidents. In the most recent deadly episode, one crooner shot and killed one dude and wounded another after they jeered his version of the song.

In another case, a man was beaten to death by the crowd for singing "My Way" off-key. It seems that the "Sinatra Syndrome" is producing more casualties than the guerrilla civil war in the jungles. Now, if the government was smart, they'd build karaoke parlors in guerrilla-held areas, stock them with Sinatra, and then wait a week. Peace achieved.

RELATED ARTICLE: Who Needs Guns When You've Got Fish!

If the Feds start making noises about outlawing more guns, let's remind them that people don't need firearms to get deadly stupid. Just about anything will do. Police in Madeira Beach, Fla., report that Frank Ashmus, 46, and Garth Spacek, 42, started fighting on the dock in that little coastal town. Lacking fine small arms, Spacek smacked Ashmus upside the gourd with a beer bottle. Ashmus responded by stabbing Spacek in the belly with the bill of a swordfish. Nasty wound, officers said, but Spacek was expected to survive.

"We don't see this kind of thing very often," Pinellas County Sheriff spokeswoman Marianna Pasha stated. Hey, we'd be worried if you did. Any karaoke involved in this?

All Dressed Up And Nobody To Rob

Our stupid crook of the month is the idiot who waltzed into Ralph's grocery store in Rancho Bernardo, an upscale community in San Diego, waved a shotgun in the air, and announced a stickup. A couple of seconds later he yelled for everybody to "freeze," but the stampede had already begun. As the baffled crook watched, every living soul in the store, employees and customers alike, about 20 of them, fled down the aisles and out the doors. The former center of attention was left unheralded and alone, and apparently he couldn't even figure out how to open the electronic cash registers.

Witnesses watching from a safe distance reported that he wandered around for a moment, maybe calling out, "Hello? Anybody?" then dejectedly shuffled outside, climbed into a car and drove away. We predict this will not be a glorious episode in the saga of his life of crime and adventure.

Now, That's A Big-Bore Weapon!

When two armed thugs burst into a supermarket in Germany, they weren't after food, but that's what they got. As soon as the spokes-thug announced a holdup, one of the employees wound up and hurled what happened to be in his hand: a family-size can of sauerkraut.

UberCrook number one got smacked so hard it rang his chimes, and his partner just kinda froze there staring at the little chirpin' birdies circling his pal's noggin. Finally, both of them pulled themselves together and fled, cashless -- and krautless.