Ready for golf? Pack clubs, golf balls, and mine detector! - Back Blast & Other Hot Gases

Shooting Industry, July, 2002 by Commander Gilmore

So, you think you have this golf game down, huh? Well, perhaps you'd like to go 18 holes (pun intended) at the newest golf course in Asia. Thailand's minister of tourism has announced the construction of a 27-hole course at his country's juncture with Laos and Cambodia, with nine holes in each nation. Rather than play down the danger, he happily reported that the entire area is littered with countless land mines. And of course, the region swarms with bands of AK47-packin' former soldiers turned murderous bandits.

The minister predicted that a certain different breed of sportsmen would come from all over the world, eager to face the course's "challenges." Yep, all it takes is idiots with too much money and too much time on their hands. We think it's gonna be a huge success, and give a whole new meaning to "hazard" and "handicap."

Raising The Bar Of Cluelessness

Investigators still aren't quite sure as to which category Darryl Owens belongs -- if he fits any category except "weirdo." His adventure began in Shaker Heights, Ohio, where he barged in front of a crowd of bank customers. He did the threats-and-demands dance, and the "I might have a gun" charade. But the teller wasn't buying it. She told him to pipe down, get back in line, and wait his turn. That slowed Darryl down a bit, fir a moment. Then he mustered his courage, crowded to the front of another line, went through his bad-guy spiel again. This teller grabbed a wad of cash out of the drawer, and slapped it on the counter. Darryl picked through the bills, took about half the cash, and left. Finally, someone called the police.

Wait, this isn't over. Darryl couldn't help creating a new level of clueless. He actually beat the cops back to the bank. This time he wanted a money order for $45. The stupefied teller asked him what the heck he was doing back at the scene of the crime, refused to help him, and told him to get out. Darryl did, leaving all the money on the counter. The police finally stopped his car three blocks away and ended his -- well it's not fair to call it a crime spree. More like a crime stumble.

Never Too Late For A Career Change

It looks like Granny is out of retirement. Cops in Duesseldorf, Germany, are looking at elderly ladies on the street in a whole different light since a sweet-looking silver-haired lady about 70 years old made her third successful bank heist.

"Pistol Granny," as she's called by the local media, was filmed on a surveillance camera at her last job, waving her pistol at bank tellers and giving precise instructions for filling her knitting bag with cash. She's netted about $25,000 so far, and even with good photos, they're no closer to catching her than on stickup number one. All they have is a discarded wool hat and an armed, resolute grandmother on the loose, rapidly becoming a prime-time news sweetheart.

"She's very professional. She always appears very calm and relaxed," a police spokesman told reporters. He also hastened to add that although they've "spoken with a number of elderly women" as the result of about 50 phone tips, "We're doing it sensitively. It's not as if we're charging into old people's homes and lining up grandmothers for questioning."

Better hope not, or somebody's gonna get a granny-whuppin'.