They're coming November 4! be very afraid!

Shooting Industry, Sept, 2008 by Commander Gilmore

Ya notice how quiet it is on the Anti-Gun Front? There's hardly a hint of gun control, especially as we get closer to the November elections. But just wait. If the anti-gun candidate of choice gets elected president (I wonder who that would be?) the anti-gunners will unleash the Dogs of Vengeance.

Whoa! Kinda scary, huh? Well it is. Even this tidbit from our police blotter archives will make headlines, with the anti-gun movement running through the streets screaming for new federal laws.

Harrisburg. Pa., police report the arrest of an 18-year-old woman who committed an armed robbery of a convenience store, threatening victims with an ice cream scoop. Noooooo! Not that!

Even worse. Sister Sinister, it turns out. was free on bail. awaiting trial for robbing a neighbor while armed with a putty knife. Noooooo! Not that!

First, the anti-gun movement will write a 1.000-page report documenting the dangers of ice cream scoops: no external safety, no child-safe lock, no high-capacity limiter. etc. The report will be filled with charts and graphs and interviews with "victims."

Then there will be an investigation into who sold the woman the scoop and why the "dealer" didn't properly screen her to detect any criminal intent.

And then, there'll be Form 445648839, background checks, fingerprinting and a demand for "smart" ice cream scoop technology, new zoning laws, press conferences and Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi! Ahhhhhh!

Be afraid. They're coming November 4. Be very afraid!

But VOTE!

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

RELATED ARTICLE: Under The Hood

Next time stuff it in a pinata, moron! Then tell the cops you're going to a Cinco de Mayo party.

Sheriff's deputies in Burleigh County, N.D., were just bein' helpful when they stopped a car on Interstate 94 that had steam billowing out from under the hood. They simply wondered if the driver knew the engine could seize if it cooked up hot enough.

Once they got him stopped. 37-year-old Johnny Lerma seemed nice enough, though a teensy bit too twitchy-nervous for the situation. Lerma got even more agitated when a deputy offered to take a look under the hood. The two law-dogs exchanged suspicious glances, and one watched Lerma while the other popped the bonnet. Bingo!

Yup, that rascal had a big bag of marijuana stuffed up against--and blocking--the air intake, which caused the engine to overheat. He could have stopped when the steam first appeared and solved the problem himself in under a minute, but either (a) he was too dumb, scared or both to do it, or (b) perhaps he'd been puffin' a little of that funny-weed and simply thought the wisps an' clouds of steam were pretty.

Pelted By Paintballs

The paintball fad may be on the wane in civilian circles, but you might see them strapped on the hips of lots of federal agents in the future. The U.S. Border Patrol recently released the news that the agency has purchased 1,000 paintball guns for its field officers. They are intended for use in situations where deadly force is prohibited--like when agents are being pelted with rocks. dirt clods, feces and sundry novelties by rag-tag mobs of Mexican kids dancin around on the "sanctuary" side of our largely nonexistent border fence.

The air-powered guns shoot both inert impact rounds and PAVA pepper irritant balls. The latter cause intense tearing and a burning sensation in the eyes and nose, while the impact rounds will leave a nasty little welt and an indelible memory of the moment. Of course, human rights activists are already screaming that poppin' people with plastic pellets is cruel and inhumane, like Border Patrol agents should just suck it up and shrug off the occasional rock, chunk of cinder block., 16-ounce broken pop bottle or hurled bicycle sprocket. Yeah. right.

Who Loves Bungee Jumping?

A 30-year-old dude in Wellington. New Zealand, whose name was not released by police, stood in line and paid his fee to bungee-jump from a mountainside platform into the Waikato River below. But when his turn came up, the bungee-jumpin' staff refused to let him go because they felt he had "enjoyed too many refreshing adult beverages." He argued with the staff, then apparently thinking he was hooked up and ready to rock, he suddenly blundered past them and leaped. It was about 150 feet down to the river's surface. There was no boiiiing, no sudden jerk and no bouncin back up, just whap! right into the river. He was unconscious when pulled outta the water and flown to Taupo Hospital.

However many drinks that dude had. it would take a lot more to get me to leap into orbit at the end of a rubber band.