How to disagree without being disagreeable

Medical Laboratory Observer, Dec, 2004 by Christopher S. Frings

Q I am a new supervisor. My manager told me in my review that my team members feel I need to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable. Any suggestions?

A Do not mistake being nice with being weak. As you go higher in an organization, you will find many nice people. They got there by building relationships, not destroying them.

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According to Alton Sturtevant, "Team supervisors must address both positive and negative situations in a calm and productive manner. When a team member gives me input, I try to listen carefully and completely to his opinion. I ask questions and make comments to ensure that I completely understand his viewpoint. Continued questioning often helps the team member understand what is wrong or right with his position. When I do disagree, I attempt to do so in a way that does not make him feel bad about giving input. Always thank the team member for his feedback, even if you do not agree with his position. Sometimes you must tell your team members that their input is good but cannot be used at this time. Respond in a way that encourages continued input and builds a fully committed and communicative team."

Larry Crolla advises, "Always be fair and listen to all sides of the discussion. Make it clear that you are responsible for the decisions the team makes and that, at times, you might disagree with the team because you have knowledge that you cannot share due to a political or privacy situation or because you have a more workable solution."

Marti Bailey points out, "A manager must practice good communication skills, as well as teach those skills to staff members. You can start by laying ground rules to help prevent damaging conflicts from arising. At the root of disagreement is the failure to tolerate another person's position. Each person feels confident that he can convince the other to see the issue from his point of view. As the first party explains his position, the second is developing a rebuttal instead of focusing on the explanation. Not only is this type of interaction nonproductive, but it is also a sure way to burn bridges, not build them."

Ms. Bailey adds, "Gregorio Billikopf (1) describes the following tendencies that create contention: 1) our natural desire to explain our side first, 2) our inability to truly listen, 3) our fear that we will not get our own way, and 4) our assumption that one side must win and one must lose. Disagreeing the right way requires that you do the opposite. Instead of vying to present your side first, allow the employee to present his position first, and devote your full attention to understanding his point of view. Effective listening requires clearing your mind and concentrating on body language as well as words. Resist the temptation to interrupt the other person. When he concludes, ask questions and seek clarification. Summarize what you think he is saying, and confirm that you understand his position correctly. Then, present your opinion without negating the employee's opinion, and encourage discussion. Persuasion is far more effective than coercion, and you may consider changing your own viewpoint. Finally, try to resolve remaining differences and build consensus. A joint solution is often better than either of two individual viewpoints."

Bottom line. How you present your views determines how employees and colleagues perceive you. When you must disagree with your staff, do so without offending or irritating them. Stick to the facts, concentrate on points of agreement, and do not appear stubborn or dictatorial. Be honest and explain any information that may not have been available to the employees when they were forming their opinions.

Reference

(1) Billikopf GE. Handling Differences Productively. University of California; 1999. Available at: www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article15.htm.> Edited by Christopher S. Frings, PhD, CSP

MLO's "Management Q & A" provides practical, up-to-date solutions to readers' management issues from a panel of laboratory management experts. Readers may send questions to Dr. Chris Frings at 633 Winwood Drive, Birmingham, AL 35226; fax, (205) 823-4283; or e-mail, chris@chrisfrings.com. The following panel of laboratory directors, managers, and supervisory technologists have provided their input in the answers given in this column: Marti K. Bailey, MT(ASCP), work unit leader, Pathology, Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center, Hershey, PA; Lawrence J. Crolla, PhD, consulting clinical chemist, Departments of Pathology and Respiratory Care, Alexian Brothers Hospital, Elk Grove Village, IL, West Suburban Medical Center, Oak Park, IL and Northwest Community Hospital, Arlington Heights, IL; and Alton Sturtevant, PhD, vice president and general manager, LabCorp, Birmingham, AL.