Receiving criticism with confidence - Handling Criticism, part 2

Medical Laboratory Observer,  April, 1991  by Shirley Harmon

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Asking for help has several advantages. Being open to suggestion helps a critic who, after all, is trying to help you. You have also coopted your judge into being a member of your self-improvement team.

Requesting assistance also works when confronting a faultfinder who is trying to be destructive. In this case, the implied message in your asking for help is to say, "Put up or shut up." But you have said it tactfully for perhaps the first time in your life!

* Choosing not to change. At times, criticism is valid, but you decide not to change. In these cases, agree with it and explain why you plan to keep things as they are. You might say, "You're right, but that is not one of my priorities at present," or "That is something I usually delegate to others."

Some critics want us to change so drastically as to nearly require a personality transplant. For instance, if you are not detail oriented, you probably never will be. Once so criticized, agree but show how the very trait portrayed as a negative has often been a positive for you. Give examples of times when your vision of "the big picture" has benefited the lab.

If your boss insists that you become detail oriented to keep your job, you have some serious thinking to do. Is it possible, short of a personality makeover, to become the way he or she wishes you to be? Do you want to develop this way of thinking? How much time and energy would it require? Would you ever be really good at staying on top of details? If you can't sell your big-picture thinking pattern to your boss as an asset, warm up the resume and look for a new job.

* Staying neutral. When invalid criticism comes from someone who has no power over you, a neutral position is appropriate. Thank the person for telling you about it, then quickly walk away. If you stay, you will be hit with a second comment to draw you into the game of attack-and-defend, which is counter-productive for both of you. You might reply, "Thanks for telling me that," or "Thank you. It's interesting for me to know how you see me." Make either of these replies with a positive or neutral facial expression and tone of voice. Sarcasm is out of place and would only encourage an escalation of the fray.

* Attacking your strength. The most shocking and painful kind of criticism involves an attack on a trait or behavior that you consider one of your strengths. The tendency is to respond, in honesty (and varying tones of voice), "No one has ever said that to me before." This tactic won't work. It implies that your critic is wrong and invites an argument. Instead, when stunned by such criticism, ask for evidence.

If being detail oriented is a strength that has always served you well, request evidence showing why it is being seen as negative. This is especially true if your supervisor is making the statement. You might ask, "Exactly when did I appear too detail oriented? What negative result did you notice because of it?" Armed with this information, you can decide whether the situation happened only once or you are being asked to alter your personality.