Wise & otherwise

Wines & Vines, July, 2004

Put A Cork In It. "Restaurant Uncorks New Wine Program;" "Company Uncorks Winery Software;" "Winery Uncorks Marketing Plan," blah blah blah. We'd like to declare a ban on the use of the word "uncork," unless it pertains to the act of extracting a stopper from a bottle of wine. The cutesy play on words somehow loses its cleverness after it appears in print for the 10 millionth time, so knock it off already. How about "uncorking" some less hackneyed writing?

Courts Supreme. Things are really heating up for wine in the Supreme Court system, with two major legal battles brewing. First, the California Supreme Court heard arguments about the use of the word Napa on non-Napa wines (aka Bronco v. Napa Valley Vintners), and now we hear that the U.S. Supreme Court will decide, once and for all, on the direct shipping issue. A decade ago, the idea of shipping wine (legally!) to all 50 states seemed like a mere fantasy, like when an 8-year-old daydreams about how cool it would be if he could fly. After decades of Prohibition-induced frustration, unrestricted shipping could soon become reality. Or not. Either way, it will be fascinating to watch the fireworks.

Java Jive. Can you believe the May 31 issue of Wine Spectator devoted 17 full pages of editorial to coffee, including a large section about the latest coffee-brewing appliances? Sure, coffee shares some characteristics with wine--it expresses the place where it's grown and has complex aromas and flavors--but to make it the cover story for a wine magazine? Wake up and smell the Cabernet.

No Mas Mexicanos? What would happen if, overnight, all the Latinos in California disappeared? That's the premise of a recently released movie, "A Day Without A Mexican," by Mexican filmmakers Sergio Arau and Yareli Arizmendi. The satirical, documentary-style film focuses on the Los Angeles area, where The White Man is suddenly forced to perform unspeakable acts, like washing his own car and scrubbing dishes. Here in Northern California we'd be even more screwed--nobody to harvest our precious Napa Valley grapes, do the down-and-dirty cellar work, or in many cases, make some of California's best wines. Talk about a disaster movie!

No Bargain At Any Price. We usually have good experiences in Sonoma County's winery tasting rooms, but this one was a real dud. After we tasted a few wines, the guy behind the tasting bar offered a sample of a red that the winery had marked down to $2.99 a bottle. Not ones to turn up our noses at a bargain, we gave it a try. We swirled, we sniffed, we wrinkled up our noses and sniffed again. Corked. When we asked the pourer for his opinion, he pretended he didn't hear the question. "No really," we pressed, "this wine smells and tastes corked." Again, he ignored the question and said something like, "Oh yes, the wine is going fast ...." (He might as well have stuck his fingers in his ears and hummed "la-la-la, I can't hear you!") Hmmm, we wonder why the price was reduced to $2.99! We don't need to tell you that we will never, ever, return to that winery.

Modernpervert.com. In last month's column, we mistakenly listed Modern Drunkard magazine's Web address as moderndrunkard.com (it should have been moderndrunkardmagazine.com). We later discovered, to our horror and amusement, that the shorter URL leads to a porn site. Sorry for the misdirection--unless you happen to enjoy Internet porn!