Mars and Venus in the Workplace. . - Bookshelf: Books in Brief - book review

HR Magazine, July, 2002

By John Gray

Harper Collins, 2001

290 pages

List Price: $24.95

ISBN: 0-06-019796X

A decade ago, John Gray's best-selling Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus explored the perspectives men and women bring to relationships. It spawned a series of books and articles on the differences between the sexes, including Gray's latest offering, Mars and Venus in the Workplace.

To reach their full potential in the workplace, men and women must understand the basic differences in their communication styles, Gray says. Men and women "use the same words, but the meanings are different," he contends.

"When men speak, it is generally to make a point in order to solve a problem or gather information to solve a problem," Gray writes. On the other hand, women's words "are used to express feeling as well as content.... This personal touch increases connection."

These differences can often lead to on-the-job tension. When faced with a workplace problem, men tend to quickly look for a solution, Gray says. "By offering quick solutions to women, a man mistakenly thinks he is making a good impression."

By contrast, male workers are often frustrated when their female colleagues "ask too many questions and want to change things," Gray says.

As a result of these opposite approaches, "Men are seen to be uncaring, while women are seen to be troublemakers," he says.

To bridge the communication gap, Gray says women must suppress the urge to give unsolicited advice. Women's tendency to chime in with helpful suggestions may be misinterpreted by men as meddling.

Similarly, men must stop trying to solve every problem that is described to them. "To presume a woman always needs a solution is demeaning," Gray says.

Gray concludes that effective communication between the sexes is a learning process. "To earn the respect and trust of the opposite sex in the workplace, we have to respond in ways that are counterinstinctive," Gray says.